More of the Top 100

So Matt and I have been continuing to chip away at the top 100 list (only 30 more to go!) and polished off these few in the past couple weeks:

Raging Bull- These past few movies have secured some actors on my favorite actors list. Bustin Hoffman, Jimmy Stewart, Alec Guinness, Marlon Brando, and Robert De Niro are a few of them. De Niro was fantastic in this movie. It makes me sad that his (and Hoffman's) talents are now wasted on trash like Meet The Fockers.
Also, I didn't catch this at the time, but did a little study on the movie after the fact and some of the visual elements Scorsese incorporates are pretty cool. In general, I love being able to dissect things on multiple levels. If all that is present is all that I see or read on the surface, I may enjoy it, but I won't count it among the greats. I love that there are directors out there who plan up artistic details incomprehensible to the average viewer. It shows that there is incredible depth to a medium that has historically been limited by technology, time, physical constraints, etc. I like art that makes me think, and this one did.

Patton- Matt and I watched this one last night and it was one of the first that he approved as being Top 100 worthy. I'm not always a huge fan of war epics (unless they are made by David Lean... more on that later), but this one was good. It's possible I enjoyed this more than I otherwise would have because I knew Matt was enjoying it.

Midnight Cowboy- This was the only X rated film to ever win Best Picture. And probably one of the greatest acting performances of all time (by Hoffman of course, who else?). AND it contains the famous line (which maybe you didn't even KNOW was a famous line) "Hey, I'm WALKIN' here!" when Rizzo is nearly hit by a taxi while walking across the street.
I liked this movie the same way one might like reading The Catcher In The Rye. It was painful, but beautiful.

The Apartment- REALLY enjoyed this movie. It reminded me of one of my high school friends. It had a clever plot and was well-cast. This was the first time I had ever seen young Shirley MacLaine and she was unbelievably gorgeous. I kind of wish actresses were still classy like that. Ohhh well. C'est la vie.


I also mostly done with both Bonnie and Clyde and Lawrence of Arabia and will post my thoughts on these soon.

(my baby is probably doing the backstroke or something because I can totally feel it wriggling)

So lately I have been thinking about myself, my family, and the values I want to live by and pass on to my children. The last couple of years of my life have been consumed by dating, engagement, early marriage, and the anticipation of upcoming parenting. But now that Matt and I have settled into our daily routine, I have been reexamining my choices and trying to decide what kind of wife and mother I want to be, and what values I would like to instill in my family.
I have already decided some things that are important to me as relates to parenting. I know it will be years before these things make an impression on our child, but I have recently discovered how important they are to me and therefore how deeply I desire to live them out for my family.
First of all, there is the obvious one, I want our household to be one that is Biblical. I want to set a good example for my children of how to love Jesus and love each other. I want to know the Bible so that when they come to me with questions I know how to help them find the answers. My parents were always incredibly knowledgeable about Scripture and this was an incredible asset to me, probably more than I understood until very recently.
Also, this might sound weird, but growing up, my parents often asked me to choose my own punishment when I was in trouble. So if I did something wrong they told me to go find that sin in the Bible and read what God said about it and come up with an adequate punishment. I thought this was incredible, because when I was old enough to really get what I was doing it made me see that acting out against my parents was also hurting God. They also occasionally chose not to punish me, and when they did so, they told me it was to illustrate how God is merciful even when we sin and don't deserve it. Which is pretty powerful stuff, even to a teenager.
I also want to set a good example of marriage and family life. I want our house to be a place that is open to visitors and where our kids can feel our love for each other, for them and for our friends and neighbors.
Over the course of middle school and high school, I racked up about 6 or 7 years of French classes. It got to the point that my senior year I was near fluent and could read and write in French. (I actually used to study the Bible sometimes in French because I found the differences in translation really beautiful. French is a great language for describing God's love for us.)
Anyway, the years have gone by and I've lost most of what I knew. But back when I still had it, I decided that I would like to teach my child to be bilingual. This is easiest to do by just speaking to them in another language when they are very young. I don't know if I will still be able to do this, but I am going to try because I think it would be incredible and I'd love for them to have that opportunity.
Next, I want to teach my child to be a good steward. By this I chiefly am referring to two things: money/material possessions and the environment.
I feel like my parents did a very good job of teaching me about money. When I was young they sat me down and showed me with monopoly money how much their paycheck was and where it went every month. When I was older they gave me an allowance from which I was supposed to provide my own things: school supplies and clothes, etc. All of this was great. There is only one thing I would change from my parents education and that is credit. When I was sixteen I got a credit card and ended up with $500 in credit card debt. Now, this was a very inexpensive way for me to learn about credit and I am thankful for this lesson. But given the choice with my own child, I would not allow them to get a credit card. I'd instill in them from the time they were young that any item worth buying is worth saving for. Another thing my parents did that I would do differently is that I never plan to loan my child money for anything. I didn't realize until recently how this had contributed to my idea of "buy now, pay later". My parents were good at educating us about credit card debt, but they loaned me money countless times so I could buy stupid stuff. I don't want to do that for my kid. I would rather occasionally gift them something that they really want (I stress occasionally, if it was regular it would be the same as loaning them things) than set them up to "borrow" things. I also think this is a good example of what Christ does for us: when we are good stewards of what He has given us, He often blesses us with more.
As a side note on this topic, I also want to teach my family the value of taking care of their possessions. I grew up mending my clothes when they tore. Or, if they were not salvageable, I tore them up and made something new until the fabric literally dissolved. I try to use things until they are used up, and I hope to teach my kids to do the same. I want them to be creative with the things they own rather than fall in line with the throwaway culture we live in.
Now, the environment. I believe very strongly that this is another stewardship issue. I don't care about the environment for political reasons, I care because it was God's gift to me and taking good care of it makes it more enjoyable to live in. (Not unlike money and other possessions: good stewardship makes money/possessions a blessing, poor stewardship makes them a curse). I am making a very intentional effort to change my daily habits to be more Earth friendly and more community friendly. I hope that my kids will grow up seeing these things as the norm instead of as optional efforts. That is my goal.
Lastly, I hope from a very early age to teach my children to be independent. I want them to grow up feeling like they are capable of doing things on their own, but that I am here to help them if they need it. For example: my mom taught me to cook, clean and do laundry by making me do it myself starting from grade school. I was responsible for doing my own laundry, cooked dinner for the family once a week, and knew how to do almost every household chore, including fixing things that broke around the house. The only reason I know how to do this stuff now is because I've been learning to do it for ten years. I didn't realize at the time how great this was (I thought it sucked) but I think my husband would agree I am a good cook and decent housekeeper, and I know how to help "fix things" around the house.
Anyway... I could go on and on about all my parenting goals and plans. It is cool to be awakened to all these things and how important they are to me. Some of them I haven't even realized until recently.
The only downside is that it makes me a little anxious. The more excited I am or the more plans I make for my child, the more afraid I am that something will somehow go wrong. I am eagerly anticipating our ultrasound next month for reasons other than I thought I would. I am excited to find out the sex of our baby, but really I just want some assurance that s/he is healthy! (Plus I really think it's a girl)



*DISCLAIMER: all references to multiple children in this post are generalities and in no way reflect my desire to have more kids. I don't know what they are like yet and I'm not totally convinced that one won't be enough for me.

the weekend

Well, I have a few things to say about this weekend, and about my husband, being that it was his birthday last Thursday.
This was a big birthday because it is both our first and last as a couple. Not that we are getting a divorce, but having a kid around is going to make stuff like this harder to do, so it had to be memorable.
So, there was a party. We had dinner with the Hartzells, and the REAL present is that next weekend we are going away (to the beach)! This is our first trip since our honeymoon and I am really excited to get away and hang out with my husband.
On Saturday, we did something else fun (well, sort of fun). We finally switched our cell phone plans which means that my parents are no longer paying my cell phone bill. And we switched to... T-Mobile. It wasn't my first choice for a cell phone carrier but T-Mobile has one thing that no else does: The G Phone. Which was another of Matt's birthday presents.
My husband is an incredible provider. And by that I mean not just that he brings home a paycheck, but that he ALSO does all of the hard work figuring out how to make our paychecks stretch over everything we need or want them to. He is the one that determines when we need to say no to something because it won't fit in our budget. A lot of the time it means he is saying no to something that he personally wants so that I can have something that is important to me or so that he can provide something else our family needs more. Even when he does get something for himself, it is always in the most frugal way possible. He always shops around for the best price or for a used version of something he wants. Because of how well he leads our family in this, we don't usually have to worry about how we are going to make ends meet or pay for unforeseen expenses. This is something I really respect because I do not come by this trait naturally, and in my hands I'm sure our finances would be a huge mess.
Soooo... all of that to say that I encourage him to make the occasional splurge on himself when our finances will allow it. So he got a (well-deserved) fancy new phone for his birthday. And seeing him play with it is like watching a little kid on Christmas. Pretty cute.
On Saturday night we had all of the young married (and engaged) couples over for our first ever study night and that went really well. I really like the people in this group, and all of the things you worry about when you are about to have a bible study (or theology night, or whatever) didn't happen. Everyone did their homework, everyone seemed comfortable with sharing, and Matt did a great job leading our discussion. This is, in general, another thing he is really good at, I think because he is such a good listener and also does a great job of gently redirecting conversations when they roam from the important points. Not to mention he came up with good discussion questions for the group and knew exactly when to ask them so there weren't awkward pauses but everyone still got to share.
I just felt very encouraged by having this group and having it immediately be so successful. This has not always been the case with things I have been a part of at Ethnos or other churches. I think, and I have said this before, having other couples to talk to is invaluable when you are newly married.
Lastly, yesterday I had a long work day but I got to spend an hour or so with my best friend and her husband who live in Seattle. They came down to visit for the weekend but we could only squeeze them in for a little bit on Sunday. Still, it was really great to see them and catch up a bit. I wish they lived closer to us so we could hang out more.
Anyway... I spent longer than I thought I would typing this and now I need to start getting ready for work.
:)

Top 100 Movies!

Since I renewed my movie-watching goal two weeks ago I have managed to cross several films off the list: Tootsie, Fargo, An American In Paris, Yankee Doodle Dandy, and Chinatown. I would have liked to write full reviews for all of them, but it's been a busy week for me so instead here are a couple thoughts on each:

Tootsie: I think I already mentioned this one. I like funny movies and this was a funny movie. I also love Dustin Hoffman, who is an incredible actor. So this one got a high score in my book.

Fargo: I enjoyed watching this movie, but I don't know if it deserved to be on the Top 100. I haven't seen many Coen films, but I preferred No Country For Old Men to this one. I think No Country has a greater right to be among the Top 100. Maybe someday it will be. Still, Frances McDormand is a great actress and her character was pretty endearing.

An American In Paris: I hated this movie. I didn't like the plot or the characters, I don't think Gene Kelly is as great an actor as people claim, and the 18-minute ballet wasn't enough to get me to buy the 30 second resolution to the film. I understand why it is ranked among the Top 100 but I still think it is a crappy movie and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

Yankee Doodle Dandy: I put this one off for years knowing nothing about it because I assumed it was going to be an army musical. Turns out it is about Broadway. It was actually pretty good. Cagney is not a great singer, though. In fact, his voice is pretty annoying. But the movie was fun to watch, for a musical. I've had the songs stuck in my head for the past five days though, and I could've done without that.

Chinatown: Absolutely brilliant. I love Nicholson. I also think Huston did an incredible job in this movie, particularly in the end scene where he's coming, zombie-like, for the little girl even after getting shot in the arm. It is saying a lot for me to say I like a film noir, because in general I dislike the genre and all of its cliches. But this one was entertaining and kept me guessing. Also it was one of the few that Matt tolerated (the only other one he watched with me was Fargo, which he spent a good 30 minutes googling afterward trying to figure out "why it was good").

I have a pile of DVDs sitting next to my TV waiting to be watched in the coming weeks. The Apartment, Raging Bull (which I might have already seen but gotten confused between Rocky and On The Waterfront... I'll watch it again nonetheless), Lawrence of Arabia, Bonnie and Clyde, and Midnight Cowboy are hopefully my next five. I'm still waiting for Midnight Cowboy to come in the mail, so hopefully I get to that in the next couple weeks. Otherwise I'll have to replace it with a western... yuck.

Two things:

You may have read in the news that Starbucks eliminated some 1300 positions yesterday. (Quick side note-- it annoys me the comments people make about this. It's almost like they are rejoicing in Starbucks' failure. I understand why people hate the company, but still. It employs thousands upon thousands of people; 7,000 of which will be losing their jobs in the new few weeks. It could be I am touch sensitive since it hits kind of close to home, but still. Rant over)
Anyway... where was I? Oh yes, our assistant store manager was one of those demoted (not for personal reasons or anything, they're just getting rid of that position in general). I'm not going to lie, it is actually better for me in terms of my paycheck. Since she was a salaried employee, she had to be scheduled 40 hours a week which means the other supervisor and I were barely getting 30. Now we will all be splitting the hours, so I will be able to scrounge a few extra every week. Still, it sucks. I feel bad for her and for our store manager, and a few of the baristas who didn't see it coming and are now freaking out about their positions.


Mooooving on... part deux, Matt and I had our second doctor appointment today. We met our real doctor for the first time, and to my relief he is nice and not creepy (sorry, but sometimes I wonder about male OB-GYNs). Mostly this appointment was boring. We got to hear the baby's heartbeat again, which was still pretty fun and reassuring. I got the results of all my tests and they told me stuff I already knew, like that I don't have HIV. So far everything looks good, none of the scary stuff happening like I read about in mommy books. The only really cool part of our visit today was that we got to schedule our NEXT visit, which is in about 6 weeks. And that is where we get our anatomy ultrasound and get to find out the sex of the baby. It seems like that came upon us really fast, though I'm sure the next few weeks will drag on with me just waiting for it. Also, I am eagerly anticipating the first kicks and punches which are supposed to be coming in about a month or so. I'm told it can take longer for first-time moms to recognize these things, but I'm determined to be so tuned in to my body that I won't mistake it when it happens. We'll see if this works... I bet not.

(In case you are wondering why my blog suddenly became mom central, it's because I have made it a goal of mine to record my pregnancy IN CASE I have a little girl who someday will want to read about it. My parents saved their love letters and let me read them when I fell in love with Matt, and I always thought that was a cool gesture, so this is kind of like that. And also, I'm too lazy for paper journals.)

Matthew 6:25-34

Which reads:

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

This passage came into my head today as I was driving to work and worrying about the fact that my work clothes are ready to pop buttons and zippers. What would at any other time in my life be something fun (buying new clothes) is, at the moment, a stressful additional expense in an already tight budget. Right now Matt and I are trying to successfully navigate the loss of about a quarter of my pay while still banking enough to pay for baby expenses.
And, the thing that makes this really stressful is that maternity clothes aren't a one-time expense... so while I'm doing my best to get stuff that will last for a while, I have no idea how big I will get or how fast I will get there.
Anyway, while I was pondering all these things, God brought this verse into my head. It said two things to me. First, that sometimes what we think we need is not really what we need. As much as I would love to have cute/fashionable maternity clothes (and I admit it, I really do), I can live with pretty much anything that successfully covers my body. And, secondly, I think God will provide these things. By that I mean not just the clothes, but the things that are necessary to provide for our family-- now and in the future.

Anyway, this is a simple revelation I know, but it was a good reminder for me...

Aaron

So I found out today that our neighbor died. I was sure something had happened because there have been people in and out of his house for the past couple weeks cleaning and moving things. I was hoping it was something else, though, like his friends were helping him move or he had gone to a nursing home or something.
He was around 60, and kind of reclusive. I used to worry about him because he would leave notices or mail on his doormat for days at a time. Recently I actually knocked on his door to check on him but he didn't answer.
Anyway. I feel bad that I didn't really know him... he had no family. And he seemed like a nice guy from the couple of times I interacted with him. Makes me wish I would have reached out to him more.

movies!!

I've had this headache for like 4 days... ugh.

So, I have made a new resolution for myself (and thus for Matt as well). I am going to attempt to polish off the Top 100 movies by the time my baby is born. I have been chipping away at this (ever so slowly) for the past five years and now it's time to step it up a notch. I have 38 movies to go (36 of which are attainable, and 2 of which will require a ton of effort and/or money to find).
I currently have 13 of these movies in my possession and my plans for today include two musicals (An American In Paris and Yankee Doodle Dandy) and, if possible, Fargo.

On a related note, yesterday I watched Tootsie and it was fantastic! Funny, well written and well acted. Plus, I enjoy watching these movies and getting to hear (in context) famous quotes that have slipped into our vocabularies. I mean, how many times have you said or heard someone say "I coulda been a contender", but most of us haven't seen On the Waterfront (in fact, many people think that quote is from one of the Godfather movies). Or, "Here's lookin' at you, kid", or the army whistle from Bridge On The River Kwai. I could go on and on. But it's fun to hear where all these quotes came from, especially when you can go your whole life hearing it without ever having heard it in context. Tootsie has a famous line, "I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man." I've heard the quote before, but I never knew where it came from.

Anyway, I am a nerd and I'm well aware of this. Most of the movies that I've left til now are ones that I was avoiding for some reason (they're westerns, musicals, film noir or really really old [Birth of A Nation SUCKS and is racist]) but I am determined to push through them and complete my film self-education before I am forced to completely surrender to mommyhood, and therefore have no more fun again, ever.*

Well, that is all for now. Off to take some tylenol and watch some Gene Kelley.



*please note sarcasm

I miss wine!

I really, really miss wine. A lot. I am fine giving up every other type of alcohol and even cutting back the caffeine, but I swear to you I am popping a bottle of champagne in the delivery room the second this thing is over.

I am eating a chocolate cupcake as I write this.

Let me just say that our cat is not the friendliest of cats. I have grown to love him over the past couple of years, but I am by no means blind to his faults. He is feisty, whiny, and I've seen him hiss at more than one person in the past few months. But, he has one really adorable habit that I love. One of his favorite things is to crawl up in front of you when you are typing on the computer and lay down between your arms and snuggle. It's pretty cute. He also meets you at the door when you come home from work, sort of like a dog, and he'll meow and let you pick him up and cuddle him for a bit.
Apart from that he will never cuddle with you, unless you are sleeping, which is not quite as cute, because it wakes you up, and waking up a sleeping pregnant woman is never a good plan.
We just had a fun/relaxing weekend with our friends Brent and Amy and their 6-month-old daughter Sofia. It was our first time having guests stay with us, so that was a little interesting. It was kind of a mad scramble to get the house ready. Luckily their daughter isn't crawling yet because our house is nowhere near baby-proofed.
Anyway, we had good times, saw all the Portland sites, and Matt and I got to get a little taste of what it's like to be around a baby. I feel like we may be slightly misled because Sofia is not only the cutest, but also the easiest baby I have ever met in my life. She hardly cried all weekend, she slept all night, and when she was awake she was always smiling and giggling.
It was weird for me though. I felt very excited being around a baby, and it almost made me wish our baby would come sooner since I am so eager to meet him/her and play with them. It also made me anxious, though. Amy was very open with me about what a challenge it was juggling parenting and school, what effect it had on their relationship, and the financial burden (which will be considerably greater in our case). And it was a lot of work keeping her fed, rested, clean and entertained. It's one thing to play with a baby for a few minutes, it's a totally different thing to be stuck with one all day long.
So, I am, and probably always will be, still conflicted about becoming a parent.
On the plus side of things, I saw like 15 hot moms this weekend with babies around 6 or 7 months, which made me feel hopeful, since I read an article last thursday about post-pregnancy body issues. Needless to say, I don't want to get fat, but more importantly, I don't want to feel bad about myself. I think the way you feel has a greater impact on your appearance than the way you're shaped. And I hate to read about moms who think they need plastic surgery to repair their distorted post-prego bodies.

In other news, last week was a looooooooong week at work, complete with all kinds of drama, but it's beginning to look like things are looking up around the ol' workplace, and that has elevated my mood a bit. In addition, I am no longer feeling nauseous for the most part (thus the cupcake) and I don't need a nap today. In fact, I'm about to go exercise right now. AND it's sunny outside. So there's no reason to not be totally happy.

P.S. my cupcake was delicious, if you're wondering.

something pretty cool

My aunt, who is both incredibly cool and an art curriculum coordinator in Washington (those two, in my mind, are related) sent me a link to this website today: http://www.chrisjordan.com/

I think this artist is fascinating. I especially liked E. Pluribus Unum and Running the Numbers. I probably spent a good half hour looking at all of the pieces and thinking about what they mean.

Baby!

Even though Matt already gave his whole rundown of our first doctor's visit, I am still going to do the same. I don't think I could possibly forget it, but I want to be sure I have a record of it.
I had been equal parts excited about and dreading our first OB visit. They had to reschedule me once and because of that our appointment wasn't with our regular doctor-- who I haven't even met yet. As it is they just BARELY squeezed me in before the end of the first trimester. (According to yesterday's ultrasound we are pretty much at twelve weeks today or tomorrow.)
Anyway, the lady who we DID meet with was really nice and totally put me at ease. She was a nurse midwife, not an OB, but I liked her and I hope that our doctor is as good. I was REALLY anxious about all of the tests I would have to take, and I cried a little bit in the morning thinking about it. But it turned out not to be bad at all. I HATE getting my blood drawn more than anything, and yesterday I had to get blood drawn out of BOTH of my arms (I wish they would have technology powerful enough that they would only need a drop of blood for each test, or, better yet, a drop of blood on which they could perform all four tests). And maybe it was just me, but the vials seemed huge and never ending. Luckily Matt was there for moral support, so I put on a brave face to impress him. :)
Seriously though, all of the awkward and painful stuff was nothing even hearing the baby's heartbeat, which was incredible. It only took her a second to find and I was so excited I couldn't stop giggling... it took a long time for me to sit still enough to get a clear reading of it. Baby hearts beat so fast! And thank God there was only one heartbeat and not THREE like Dave had me worrying about.
We were all set to leave after that, but somebody had canceled their ultrasound appointment so they squeezed us in at the last minute. Women have complained to me about ultrasounds before and I seriously don't get it. This was the coolest thing I have ever done in my life. If I could be getting an ultrasound right now I would be. If I could buy an ultrasound MACHINE and set it up in my living room and look at my baby all day I would do it. It was just that cool.
We only brought home a couple of pictures, but we got to see a lot more in the doctor's office. We saw both hands and feet, the legs, the tummy, the tiny bladder, the skull, the umbilical cord (they even do this thing where they can show you the blood pumping through the umbilical cord to the baby-- that is way cool) and then they zoom out and show you how big it is in comparison to the rest of you, and it is TINY.

I don't think I can really accurately describe how amazing it is to see or hear your child for the first time. I was prepared for it, and had been told by everyone how great it would be, but it still brought up new feelings for me. I'm not sure if I could put them into words, but I'll try. I newly reconsidered, and for the first time really understood, the concept that I am sharing my body and that the things I do affect my baby-- what I eat, drink, and how I exercise. It is easy, especially as early as I am and with all the crazy symptoms I have been experiencing, to get caught up in how I feel and how all this is affecting me. This was the first time I truly got beyond myself a bit. Another thing that was weird is that seeing your baby up on an ultrasound screen, or hearing their little heartbeat, is really your first reassurance that they're in there. And it connects you with them. And then I went home and was looking at the ultrasound pictures, and thinking how ironic that my baby has been here all along, and is closer than the picture I am holding in my hand, and yet this is the first time I really feel close to him or her. And even though he or she is right here with me all of the time I still feel like they are so far away because I can't see or hear or feel them.
I don't know how to describe it, I know all the other moms will read this and get what I am saying, and maybe the dads too, but it is an incredible feeling.

Anyway, I really have to start getting ready for work now or I'm going to be late.

additionally,

I have been engrossed in Anna Karenina for about a month now (the upside of reading a 750+ page book is that it lasts a long time) and I am not only loving it, but wishing everyone else in the world was reading it too, so we could all discuss the excellence. Tolstoy is an incredible writer. He writes about the experiences common to man-- love, marriage, death, birth, work, family, art-- in a way that is so descriptive that you feel almost as though he is looking into your brain and writing the things you have felt and dreamed. Then there is the beautiful realization that we all hold these things in common, and your eyes are opened to the fact that what you thought was uniquely your own has been shared throughout time, cultural boundaries, and even gender.
The characters, too, are woven together quite seamlessly, and even though I don't approve of some of their choices, I can't help but like them and be interested in their stories. There is no villian, just a lot of broken and complex people, and he takes the time to develop them well. It's fascinating.
This is the second Russian novel I have read (the other being Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment) and it's not difficult to see why these authors were so highly praised... they seem to take more interest in the smallest details than any other author I have had the pleasure of reading. I have already put The Brothers Karamazov and War and Peace on my to-read list.
It can be hard to find a good book, and I really love fine literature, it makes my brain come alive and makes me want to write essays and dissertations.
I know, I'm a nerd.
Has anyone else out there read this book?

some more thoughts about babies... which is all I blog about now

I'm sure nobody in the world finds this information as fascinating as I do, not even Matt, but every Monday I have been reading about the growth of my little baby. This week happens to be the final week of my first trimester, which I am thrilled about for a whole host of reasons. I've been feeling a little bit better, (or perhaps I've just had a better attitude about feeling nauseous, I'm not sure) a lot of the dangers have passed, I should be getting my energy back, and we're going to the doctor this week! So there is a lot to be excited about.
Anyway, by now my baby has hair follicles and ears, he/she is legitimately a boy or girl (even though we can't tell which one yet), and is the size of a plum (which seems pretty huge after measuring in olives and raspberries for the past two months).

One thing I have been really thankful for lately is that I have noticed my attitude has changed a bit toward the world, toward pregnancy and toward parenting. I tend to be anxious, or I have been in recent years. I'm not sure if this worrying is a personality trait of mine or if it was a response to the extreme stress I went through in the past four or five years. But, it was significant enough to color some of the decisions I made. In fact, one of my main reasons for being so opposed to having children was the fears I had about how my children would grow up. Would they be born healthy, would I raise them right, would they have emotional troubles like I have experienced with my family? I have watched my parents go through a great deal of suffering on my and my siblings' behalf and I have never been envious to repeat that myself. I have worried about every possible thing a parent could worry about- kidnapping, drugs, SIDS, birth defects, mental illness, you name it. This was all happening before we were even pregnant, and put weight on my decision to never have kids, or at least prevent having them as long as I possibly could. Which turned out to be about four months.
Anyway, what I have noticed over the past couple of months is that I have been more at ease about this than about many of the things that have happened in the past several years of my life. There are so many things to be worried about, and yet, for the most part, I have not been worried. I am very thankful for that, because if I were to follow my usual pattern in this, I would probably be constantly beside myself. I have a very strong sense of God's control of this situation (something I have rarely been aware of in the past) and I believe that all will go well for us. I think we will have a healthy baby, and I know that we will be both be good parents.
That's not to say I am not occasionally overwhelmed, I'm just saying that in general, I feel confident about the future.

some names I have crossed off my list

I have always liked having an "original" name... not a lot of people in the states have the name Ciara, or, if they do, they don't spell it and/or pronounce it the same way. I like feeling unique and even though I know there are more people with the same name out there, I don't run into them often and that makes me feel good. Which is why I want to give my kid a name just unique enough that they won't be sitting in class with 4 other kids of the same name.
That being said, I am working by process of elimination, and have decided not to name him/her any of the following, because they are the most popular baby names of 2007:

For boys:
Jacob
Michael
Ethan
Joshua
Daniel
Christopher
Anthony
William
Matthew
Andrew

For girls:
Emily
Isabella
Emma
Ava
Madison
Sophia
Olivia
Abigail
Hannah
Elizabeth

I have to admit I am a little surprised at some of the names that are in the top ten... Ava and Madison? I had thought those were a little more rare.

and then i woke up

I just had a dream that Matt and I went to Disney World, and I rode on all the roller coasters because I wasn't pregnant (or maybe I just didn't care-- I don't know). And I had a martini and ate like twelve cupcakes, all of which were free.

babies are spendy!

So I have been doing a bit of research on my insurance coverage and I have to say I am finding it less than satisfactory. Of course when I enrolled I chose the cheapest health care because I am young and healthy... well, that backfired.
A coworker told me that her brother and sister-in-law just finished paying off their medical bills from their baby (he is now two). That freaked me out a little. I'm pretty sure Matt and I will be able to pay cash for our little one... (that makes it sound like we are buying the thing on ebay) but that all just depends. I mean, that's assuming a totally healthy pregnancy and no C-section and all that. (Which I am assuming, if not for financial reasons, then for the sake of my sanity.)
I am just trying to keep my chin up and not get too depressed about any one thing. I know babies are a blessing, and I really do feel that way, but there are a lot of bumps in the road ahead and if I choose to think about them all at once it can get quite overwhelming.
On a happier note, Matt and I get to go to the doctor next week for the first time and I am really hoping that we get to hear (or see) our baby's heartbeat! As of this week the little guy (or girl-- it already knows even though we don't) has elbows and the beginnings of knees, ankles, and teeny baby teeth.

And now for something completely different... Matt and I got to go to the Blazers game last night and even though I am not a fan of basketball I totally loved it! It's been a while since I have been to a sporting event and I'd forgotten how fun it is to cheer for your team. Plus, it was just a cool game to watch; it was close until the very end and we ended up winning by only one point in the last 30 seconds. Yay Portland!

So it starts...

Well, so much for my big accomplishment of last year (losing 25-30lbs). I can already feel myself getting bigger. Unfortunately for me, I carry weight in my tummy anyway, so I didn't need to add very much to get a visible bump. It sucks.
I already hit the jeans-won't-button mark and you can't even imagine how many tears have been shed over that fiasco. I did what every good weight watchers member would do and got rid of all my "fat" clothes when I lost weight, so I have very few things that fit/look good (I bought a lot of figure hugging clothes which are no longer fun to look at).
I am finding it very difficult to emotionally surrender to the changes taking place in my body. I remember talking to pregnant friends and thinking it was silly for them to complain about being "fat"... I mean, they were pregnant, and looked pregnant; it doesn't look the same as if you spent the last couple months overeating. But now that it's me, I feel pretty depressed about the whole deal. One friend I have likes to point out my "baby bump" and keeps asking me if I'm showing because, according to her, it looks like I'm showing. I love this friend dearly, but part of me wants to still be friends with her when she gets prego so I can be the first to tell her how fat she looks. I mean, really, how oblivious can you be? There is no other time in life when it's okay to point out someone else's fat tummy but now that you're prego it's okay to comment on the size and the shape? Plus, what do I say because at this point it probably really isn't baby... it's more all the cheese and salty things baby makes me eat. Anyway, it's frustrating and I know it's inevitable and I know everyone means well but I really don't want to gain back the 30+ pounds I just lost. Especially not this soon.
My mom and sister and I went shopping last night for some clothes to wear in the meantime (since I am not big enough for maternity clothes yet). I figured I will need some bigger clothes when I am in the process of losing weight next year. Plus, one of Matt's friends who recently had a baby showed me these cool things called belly bands that keep your pants up if they are too big/small and unbuttoned. So I got a couple of those to help me transition.

And now onto another topic entirely... I didn't know how to make resolutions this year. I'm sure if I were to look at my resolutions from last year they would all be totally irrelevant. At this time last year I was not even engaged. Well, this year I have even less of an idea of where life is headed and the common ones (lose weight, get a new job or go back to school, etc) don't really apply. So I made two resolutions, and these are them: 1) to pray for my husband and baby every day and 2)to read to my baby in utero. For now that is all I can think of.

Grammar nerds Unite!

My friend Matt (not to be confused with my husband) bought me a book called Eats, Shoots & Leaves for Christmas... and since I know there are a few grammar nerds out there who would appreciate this book, I'm posting part of introduction to intrigue you:
Either this will ring bells for you, or it won't. A printed banner has appeared on the concourse of a petrol station near where I live. 'Come inside,' it says, 'for CD's, VIDEO's, DVD's, and BOOK's.'
If this satanic sprinkling of redundant apostrophes causes no little gasp of horror or quickening of the pulse, you should probably put down this book at once....For any true stickler, you see, the sight of the plural word "Book's" with an apostrophe in it will trigger a ghastly private emotional process similar to the stages of bereavement, though greatly accelerated. First there is shock. Within seconds, shock gives way to disbelief, disbelief to pain, and pain to anger. Finally (and this is where the analogy breaks down), anger gives way to a righteous urge to perpetrate an act of criminal damage with the aid of a permanent marker.

I will loan this book out when I have finished, Ashby, if you are interested. ;)

I had to post this too, just because it made me laugh:

Well, here we go!

So now that the cat's out of the bag I suppose I am free to blog about my current condition to my heart's content... which is nice, since I have wanted to several times in the past month.
Morning sickness and fatigue have so far left me simultaneously excited and miserable. I am thankful for these symptoms because so far they're the only physical proof I have that my baby is really in there. From what I understand it's common to feel doubtful about your pregnancy or fearful of miscarriage. I have felt both, and even over the past few days I've wondered if this was all somehow a huge mistake (although I don't see how that could be possible). So it is, in a way, comforting to at least feel pregnant.
The miserable part, I'm sure, explains itself. Let's just say I would not wish this on anyone... I am nauseous from the second I wake up to the second I go to sleep and can barely stumble through my work day and make it home without falling asleep at the wheel. At first I thought the fatigue was mostly due in part to quitting caffeine cold turkey (also the headaches-- alas, those are here to stay as well). But it has persisted too, slightly lessened, for the past four weeks and will probably continue for the next four.
Luckily I got some good tips from other mommies on how to handle my "morning" sickness, and reassurance that forcing chicken down my throat when I really don't want it isn't going to be good for anyone.
It's pretty crazy, this is not at all what we planned and certainly has been difficult to adjust to (at times I still feel really overwhelmed, not so much by the prospect of having a baby, but more at the lifetime of parenthood suddenly stretched out before me--if that makes sense) but the fact is it's hard not to be excited when you realize there's a little baby in there waiting to come out. I think I have adapted a little easier to the situation than Matt has, simply because I already feel like a mom and already wish I could meet my baby.
We have about 12 weeks to go until we can find out the sex-- which we are going to do-- and until our baby will develop ears and be able to hear us talking and recognize our voices. I can't wait for those milestones, or the first kick, or the first time I see the heartbeat! I mostly just want reassurance that he or she is really in there and doing just fine.
Anyway, that is all for now, I am sure I will have plenty more blogs to come.

Today I came home from work all tired and grumpy and feeling sick and guess what? my house was all clean (I left it messy) and all my dirty laundry was washed, dried, and folded neatly in the laundry basket AND NOT ONLY THAT, but my socks were folded the way I like them folded (we have a dispute about the best method for sock folding in our house). So that was a pretty awesome surprise. And now I have two hours to relax by myself in my perfectly clean and quiet house.... yay.

good call ashby.
:)

I have an incredible husband.
I am so thankful and proud.

I have decided I need to blog more. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I enjoy writing and consider myself to be a decent writer, and looking back over my 500+ posts, there are some things that are interesting to go back and read. And I want to have those going forward.

Update on producing

Today I'm reading a book about producing, and tomorrow I am meeting with the Sheridan Street team to look at their stuff and see how I mesh with the other creative partners. I'm kind of hoping this works out because I'm getting excited about it now!

Well, here I sit breathing in paint fumes and listening to the sounds of Matt cooking in the kitchen. We just demo'ed the office closet to make way for the new trim we'll be putting in (including brand new closet doors! yay!). We're also building a custom closet thingy for our office to store all of the many, many things we have crammed into the nooks and crannies of this place. Right now there is junk spread all over our office and living room waiting for a place to go. It's going to be a while until we can put them all back in their place... this might annoy me.
But... it is exciting to be remodeling again. The office is our first step since it's one of the smallest, simplest and least visible rooms in the house. It's also supposed to double as a guest room and in its current state it's under prepared. So I'm glad we've finally found some time to work on it.

In other news, I had fun last night with the girls but I learned two valuable lessons. One, wearing a wedding ring is not as obvious a deterrent as you'd think (so many people don't even think to check). And two, I cannot stomach Guinness. I've had it on two separate occasions now and both times was sick afterward. I know I wasn't overdoing it so I've concluded it must be something about that particular beer that my body just doesn't go for. Which is sad because I like the taste.

Anyway, I'm being called to dinner...

Ladies night

Tonight I'm going to Kell's with a few of the ladies I work with. I'm really excited! It'll be my first time at a bar and also my first time going out with a group of girls since before my wedding... most of my close friends live far away and getting together is either really difficult or impossible. When friends do come to visit we usually do things as couples so apart from the occasional outing with my sister(s) or mother(s) I don't get out much on my own.
Also, I am really thankful for some of the friends I've made at my new store. Two of them in particular, Amanda and Kenny (who I mentioned in my last post). Amanda is recently married (3 months ago I think), similar in age, and a believer, and we've really hit it off working together. So it's going to be lots of fun hanging out with her and the other girls tonight.
I've decided it is invaluable for newlyweds to have other newlyweds to share their lives with. It's been a comfort to me to have Amanda to talk to. Sometimes it is funny how as young marrieds we all go through the same things... I mean literally, I think almost every couple fights about the dirty dishes and the laundry. So it's always relieving when you voice something and realize you're not alone. Even though I think on some level we already know that's we're not the only ones, it's still nice to be reminded every once in a while.

On another unrelated note... I simultaneously love and hate birth control. There are the obvious reasons why I love it but the fact is that it has killed my skin. I have never had a problem with acne but for the past few months it has been a constant battle. I know that a lot of people are probably thinking I have nothing to complain about... I know that even my worst breakout can't compare to what a lot of people have to deal with. Even so, it is new for me and not something I enjoy. I've sunk a chunk of change into trying to find products that will clear my skin up but I'm starting to think it's just something I'll have to deal with as long as I'm on The Pill.
If anyone is reading this and has any suggestions, I'm all ears. I'm using clinique right now but I'm thinking of switching to their acne line because the regular stuff just isn't doing it for me. Of course this revelation comes after the $40+ purchase... ugh.

An interesting opportunity...

So I had an interesting proposal from a coworker the other day. He went to Fox with Matt, majored in Film, and owns his own production company (check out the website here). It's not a money maker at this point, which you can probably guess from the fact that Kenny works a second job and also from a glance around their website.
Anyway, I've enjoyed having someone to talk film with, something I've missed since leaving school. It definitely makes me wish I was back taking classes... but all in good time.
In the meantime, Kenny has mentioned he'd like me to help produce a couple of their upcoming shorts. Producing is really a pretty good gig... you're basically the organizer of everything... schedules, festivals, talent, locations, promotion, budgets. It's definitely well within my skill set so I'm thinking about whether I want to get on board or not. Could be fun... and I don't really have much to lose. Except time.

Oh man

I hit my head pretty good on the trunk of my car Sunday afternoon. So good in fact that I wasn't able to work on Monday or today. I slept all night Sunday night, almost all day yesterday and until 11 this morning and I am finally feeling a BIT better.
I still have a pretty nasty headache but I'm thinking a bit more clearly today and I'll probably be back at work tomorrow.
Still feeling a bit groggy, but hopefully that will wear off.

Real Simple is the best magazine ever

My coworker Amanda turned me on to this magazine recently and I freaking love it. It's like someone just handed me a life manual.
It has tips on everything from how to organize your kitchen to how to throw a party to how to get over illnesses. I even learned how to extend the life of a bouquet of flowers (a cube of sugar and a penny, store it in the fridge overnight). It's like every good tip that your mom would ever tell you all pulled together in one amazing package.
It's just nice, because being a new wife and homeowner can have its stresses. I have some high ideals. I'd love to be the wife who can pull together a gourmet dinner like it's nothing or set a table like a Crate and Barrel catalog. If I'm being totally honest... I have to admit that Martha Stewart is one of my heroes, and if I could emulate her (except for the jail part) I would be thrilled.
Anyway... I'm not really sure how to word it, but there it is. I just really enjoy my domestic pursuits. And yet there are the occasional phone calls to my mom to ask her what I can substitute for rice wine or how to make roman shades or whatever. And now I have a publication to answer ALL OF MY QUESTIONS ABOUT EVERYTHING.
So, in short, Real Simple is amazing. Seriously. And I know I've lost what remaining audience I have by this point in my post (probably my mother-in-law and possibly my husband) but there you have it. I just love how practical it is.
I love it so much I am posting about it well past midnight when I should be sleeping...

Kristin, I hope you read this at some point, because I know YOU share the love.

Goodbye Porter

On Monday my parents finally put down our dog, Porter. He was 16 years old, blind and deaf and couldn't really move very well, but I went and saw him on Sunday and he still seemed pretty happy.
I knew that this was going to happen, and I haven't really grown up with the same feelings for my pets as some other families have (like the Hartzells-- they really cherish their pets; this is something kind of new to me). However I did shed a few tears before and after saying goodbye to Porter.
The thing that makes me the most sad is not that he had to go, because everyone and everything will die some day. But my parents dropped him off at the vet and left. I think it would have been kind of nice to be with him since he was probably scared and alone.
Anyway, that's all I have to say about that.

I'm gonna tarantino it...

Today I:
1) cut open my left hand thumb with a box cutter (ouch)
2) got a performance review at work (doing good)
3) got a raise because of my performance review (I don't know how much)
4) welcomed my friend (alaina) back from idaho
5) didn't go grocery shopping

Yesterday I:
1) had to call my boss to let me into the store at 4 am
2) was reviewed (surprise!) and then complimented by our district manager for running the "perfect shift" (she didn't know about the 4 am part I guess)
3) started an intense bible study that I plan to finish in april or may
4) was inspired and brought to tears by the facts of this study
5) didn't go grocery shopping

On Monday I:
1) totally scorched the thumb of my right hand (if you are reading this far you will realize by now that I am totally thumb-crippled)
2) baked 4 completely different mini pizzas for dinner (pepperoni, taco, chicken bacon parmesan, four cheese)
3) left my keys inside the store to screw myself over the following morning
4) had my first ever taste of some kind of alcoholic tea beverage (gross)
5) went grocery shopping, but only one day's worth


I am desperately in need of groceries but I've learned over the past three(ish) months that I HATE GROCERY SHOPPING... and so does Matt.

Starbucks is just like high school.

If there is ever anything you don't want me to know about you, then don't tell anyone who works for Starbucks because
A) They are some of the most gossipy people on the planet and
B) They are everywhere, so your secrets will spread like wildfire.

I don't want to be a flake

Some recent events have really had me pondering some points of my character and thinking about how to change the things I'm not too fond of.
I am a very creative person, which is something I'm very proud of and, honestly, one of the things that brings joy to my life. I love to design and create things. I love learning new skills and I love being able to hold something in my hands and say to myself, "I made this."
My brain follows a million different projects at a time; I have barely written down an idea for one thing when I am already thinking about the next. It can get overwhelming at times.
The thing that bothers me about this, and I'm sure it is a common complaint among creative people, is that with so many ideas and plans, it is really difficult to be a man or woman of your word.
I really value stability and trustworthiness in others, but neither are traits I excel in myself. When I say I am going to do any given thing, I genuinely mean it and get excited about it, but mere months later I find myself struggling to follow through, if I follow through at all. Usually by then I have come up with a "better" or "more important" plan and justify my "moving on" from previous projects.
Anyway, in recent history I've begun to see the negative effect this can have on others, and I've started to think about how I can work on being more of a "do-er" than a "say-er". Life and plans change, and at my age and in this stage of life, I know I am naturally going to be less stable than others around me. But I would love to be the person who can be trusted to do what they say they will do. I would love to be described as punctual, reliable, and stable.
So I'm not really sure how to get there. I think sometimes it will require gritting my teeth and following through on something even though I'm ready to quit. I'm sure I'll learn to choose my words carefully when I commit to things or explain my visions. I know that I will need to pray a lot about where God wants me to spend my time, and surrender my plans to Him.
Anyway, my point is that I could use some prayer. I feel like this is a weak point in my character that has the potential to really harm my ministry, and I really want to work on it so that I am able to effectively serve the way God has intended.

Handywoman

Yesterday I took on my first home improvement project by myself... it was mostly successful, so I'm going to call it a win.
Since we have two bathrooms in our home we kind of have a "his" and "hers" thing going on. Both are pretty dated and we haven't done anything (except paint) to update them. The bathroom I use is also the most visible bathroom in the house, so it's kinda been on my mind that I'd like to do a little renovation in there, when we have the time and money.
Anyway, both bathrooms have these ugly glass shower doors. It's not that I hate the idea of shower doors, because if they had nice frosted glass or something a little more modern they might be okay. But they are hard to get clean and the kinds we had featured the 90's pebbled glass look, which I figure will not earn us any money when we try to sell our home. So I ripped them out in favor of a shower curtain. All by myself. And it looks pretty decent.
The only mistake was that in prying off part of the assembly I nicked the tub. This would have been a lot more disappointing if it was the first nick in our bathroom. But now it's just something I'll fix when I go to fix the sink that somehow got chipped also.
I'm hoping that when (if?) life settles down I'll be able to tackle more of these one-day projects. I already have several things on a list of improvements to do like: rip out the other shower doors (if Matt will let me in HIS bathroom), frame out the kitchen cabinets, and resurface the countertops.
But, alas, married life (or maybe summer, or maybe simply the aftermath of really withdrawing from society for several months to plan the wedding) has been busy. We have been out of town every weekend this summer, and this week (now that we are finally home) we have something going on almost every night of the week (wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday) and stuff we couldn't squeeze into this week already queued up for next week.
I'm sure all the moms (if any moms have time to read this) are rolling their eyes at me right now, but to me that is a lot of stuff going on and it's difficult to balance it all.

Wedding Photos

Mainly I'm posting this for the fam, but if anyone else is interested feel free to check em out:

http://kkstudioconnect.com/apps/customer/events.php?custID=81

Under user name put "zeus" and click login!

Final Cut Pro Editor

That was today's. The chances are really slim that I would ever land that job, although it would be awesome if I did, because it's pretty much my dream job.
Should I allow myself to hope?

One a day, every day

Today I applied for a position as a showroom assistant at a NW Portland firm. It's basically data entry/receptionist type stuff, but at least they are looking for someone with a creative streak.
This sounds a little more up my alley, so I'm hoping I get a call.

Today I sent out my first resume. It's for a receptionist at a financial advisory firm. I really want the job.

PR

Today I ran the farthest and fastest I have ever run in my entire life. Not that it was anything amazing- 3.66 miles. Still only about half of my goal. But I have now surpassed any past level of physical fitness. So that's a good feeling.

It's time for a new job

So here I am typing up my resume and wondering when I should tell my current boss (who doesn't handle employee turnover too well) that I want to quit.
It could be the hours. I've been working 4:00-12:30 4 or more days a week, which was fine when I was getting a good break here and there, but lately I'm lucky to get two days off in a row, and that is not cool with me. I have an assistant manager who constantly shows up 10-15 minutes late for every shift. He's stopped apologizing for this and I've stopped hoping this behavior would change if I brought it up to my manager. I learned very early on in my employ at this store that the manager and assistant manager have each others backs. I would find this admirable if not for the rumored reasoning behind it, which you can probably figure out for yourself.
One thing I have learned is that the best way to get along with people is to just accept criticism, and follow their correction. Even when I don't agree or am not responsible for something that has happened, I just take it. It's frustrating, because I sometimes get blamed for other peoples mistakes, but I find that trying to point that out never reflects back the way it should. So I am kind of stuck. Although I think the majority of the time I have earned the criticism that comes my way, so maybe that's not too important of an issue.
Anyway, the point of this post is: I am getting my stuff together and going to look for a new job. Not a retail job. One where I can sit at a desk and stare at a computer screen all day, and maybe have a boss like Michael Scott who I can make fun of on my luxurious weekend off.

Weight Watchers is the best thing ever

So today I went back to Weight Watchers for the first time in 3 weeks... and I have to say I actually missed it. For those of you who have talked to me about my whole weight loss journey you will know I am a huge WW fan now. There's really no substitute for a good diet and exercise, and I like how the resources help me to make healthy choices. I like the camaraderie too; hearing other peoples' stories is helpful and interesting and having a "weigh-in" every week keeps you motivated.

I lost about 30 pounds and I've kept it off about 6 weeks, which isn't a ton, but it's encouraging because it isn't as difficult as I thought it would be. Plus I feel great. I wasn't able to exercise much before because of the general busyness of remodeling and planning a wedding. But I noticed when I went back to the gym that things I thought would be difficult were actually fairly easy. On our honeymoon I woke up early one day and ran three miles without having run in several months. So that was a really good feeling. Over the weekend, Matt and I went on a 7-mile hike with my parents and it was fun, not painful.
So my next goal is just to get more physically fit. Matt and I are trying to go to the gym every week day but it's difficult to stay motivated. So I think I am going to enter an event, since it always helps me to have a goal in mind. There's a 10k coming up (the Human Race- it's the Nike one), and I want to run it. It's the 31st of August and it's about 2x the length of what I can run now, so it should be a doable challenge.
So ask me how I am doing with this when you see me. And more importantly, if you want to run it with me, tell me. I'm trying to get Matt on board, but I don't know how that will pan out. I'll run it alone if I have to, but it sure would be nice to have some company...

Anyway, that's all I have for now. I spilled a cup of coffee on my skirt this morning (which is what I get for not wearing an apron) and I think it's been soaking in chemicals for about 30 minutes now, which is probably worse for the fabric than the original spill.

I have the best husband ever

Yesterday I had to work late and when I came home not only was dinner waiting for me but Matt had bought me a video game he knew I wanted.

But even normal day-to-day married life is awesome. I know I am probably more optimistic than most since I've been married less than two weeks, but I like the simplicity after all the months of busy-ness and stress. We have so much less to coordinate. Not just big things, but little things too, like who's driving to who's house or where we're eating or whether or not we have time to run errands or pursue our individual hobbies. These things may sound stupid, but they have really simplified my life.
Not to mention the fact that I now live with one other person (and one small cat) instead of four other people (and two large dogs). Which means the house is always quiet (unless Matt is playing videogames) and if I clean something, it's still clean when I get home from work (no offense Owens, if you're reading this).

So, not to say that married life is perfect, because that would be unrealistic, but it is pretty cool. I've heard some brides get post-wedding blues, and I kind of understand how that could happen, but not me. I think married life is the best possible reward for enduring wedding planning.

when you have a bad day

Today was just not great. It started off that way, but now I am tired, frustrated, and my back hurts.

I came home from an (emotionally) exhausting day of work to roughly 50 unchecked emails, many of which were disappointing (the video guy who was going to tape our wedding just fell through and i have no back up plan and no time to fix it... stuff like that).

I really want to elaborate on all this, but alas, my own better judgment restricts me. It also, regrettably, restricts me from drowning my sorrows in a huge bowl of ice cream.

On the up side, tonight I get to pick up my wedding dress, and tomorrow I get to take the day off work and go to a spa in gresham to get my hair and makeup done (it's a trial run for the big day). So that stuff will be nice, and hopefully relaxing.

oh man, oh man

I have this cold that I just cannot shake. Maybe because of getting up at 3 for the past 3 days in a row... maybe because it just needs to run its course. But either way, my head hurts, my throat feels raw and even though I've been napping in all my spare minutes I'm exhausted.
And, on the flip side of that, I have a TON of excess energy... I feel like I just need to move. I'm sure that sounds impossible since it pretty much is impossible. I think it has something to do with mental stress and overexcitement about the wedding day, cause it is coming up! Or maybe it has to do with the fact that I lost 20 pounds and I'm eating better than I have in like 10 years. I hear that will do it too. Who knows. But I bought some new running shorts and I'm aching to go to the gym... once I feel like I will survive a few minutes on the treadmill.

I also feel like our wedding stuff is (maybe? finally) pulling together a bit, which is nice. Not to say I am anything other than incredibly busy all of the time, but at least I have a structured and reasonable plan to conquer the madness in the time allotted.
Over the weekend my mom and I went down to Gresham and looked for beauty salons to make us pretty on the day of the wedding. I have never gotten my makeup done professionally and I've only gotten my hair done once (for my prom). And it will be a completely unreasonable and outrageous expense that I will never duplicate another day of my life, ever. So that is my big thing to pamper myself and I am excited. I also get to go in two weeks before and have a trial run so I can make sure they do things right. I'm not crazy about the idea of having to pay twice for the same hairdo but oh well. Maybe I will convince my sis to hit the town with me that night so it's not a complete waste.

Well, this rambling has been therapeutic but I need to do some work now... I have like 20 billion emails piled up from the week of never checking my email... ugh.

I'm getting married really soon.
I have so much stuff to do in the next 40 days that it seems close to impossible that I will be able to get everything done.
Also, it's time to buy new clothes. Or at least a belt. Yesterday I used a paring knife to drill a hole in my only belt so that it would actually keep my pants up.

In other unrelated news, Matt is in Washington this weekend and I don't have to go to work, AND Kristin is here from Seattle (but not Jon). So last night we hung out and watched a movie (I will not name the movie so as to save what little pride we have left). Anyway... it was fun. And today I am going to do lots of wedding stuff... and pack some things up to take to the condo. And throw out the rest of my fat clothes.

I have a ridiculous headache right now; it feels like someone drove a needle right between my eyes...
A couple of weeks ago my brother found a little puppy on the side of the road. She's adorable (half yellow lab and half german shepard; 4 months old) but she really annoys me. The last week or so I have been woken up every day by her or Porter barking or Daniel yelling at one of them. It makes me really mad. Plus she jumps up on you whenever you enter a room, bites you, chews on your shoes and pees all over the carpet. I keep waiting for her old owners to come and claim her, but I don't think it's going to happen and Daniel is pretty much set on keeping her. We have a full house as is and two dogs is just too much for me. (She just woke me up from my nap so I'm a little grumpy.)
Also, today was my first day at my new store and it went well. I was pretty nervous because I had never met any of the employees there before (not even the manager) and I had an opening shift so I felt pretty clueless. The store is much newer than Bethany Village and has all kinds of equipment I had never even seen before, so I felt like an idiot asking questions all morning long. The whole atmosphere could seriously not be more different than the last store. It was super slow all morning and I was just standing around... weird. But cool. I have a feeling I'm really going to like it there. Everybody told me when I first come to be very humble and not try and act like I know everything. I really don't feel like that is going to be a problem since, like I said, everything is totally different and I have new equipment and people and routines to learn.
In other news, there are two games coming up that I want to play very badly, Grand Theft Auto IV and Gran Turismo 5. I have spent countless hours of my life playing GT3 and GTA3 so I'm excited for the sequels. In fact today I came home from work craving some GT3 action. I hardly ever have time for video games anymore (when I was in school I used to play them for hours and hours on the weekends), so I'm hoping after the wedding I have some time to play them with Matt. Although the inconvenient thing for us is that we both like single player RPGs so it's not very often that we play games together... although GT5 is multiplayer and I hear GTA4 has a good multiplayer function.
So anyway, other news. I have just finished the book Tweak, by Nic Sheff (see previous posts about Nic Sheff/David Sheff/beautiful boy). It's weird because I met him about a month ago, heard him speak and talked to him for a bit. But that was before I really heard his side of the story and I feel like I had no idea at the time what he had been through and how much of a miracle his sobriety was (or the fact that he was alive in general). I suppose this is true with all recovering addicts. But I feel sincerely happy for him, almost like he is a friend of mine somehow. I suppose this is just because of how honest and open his book is. It seems like you know everything there is to know about him. There are secrets in that book that, if they were mine, I would keep them to my grave. And he just kind of puts it all out there. Which makes me really, genuinely glad for him and his family.
Anyway, I guess that is all I have to say for now. I should really be doing something else instead of wasting my time blogging, but I haven't blogged in a long time and I had lots to say...

You know what I find interesting?
I think people who are married or in a serious relationship can attest to this... how much more protective you are of your partner than of yourself.
Some days, after a particularly frustrating day at work, I will complain extensively about the things that bother me. Almost 100% of the time I have no intention of making any changes at my job but I'm merely blowing off steam. But Matt's response is almost always "you should quit" or "that job is beneath you". I'm sure he sincerely believes all that although the prospect of quitting my job is unrealistic, I'm making okay money and I (usually) enjoy what I do. Obviously there will be changes in the future, but for now it is okay.
Still, I find myself feeling the same way whenever someone is treating Matt unfairly, taking advantage of his skills or his willingness to help. I helped out with Quake for a long time before Matt and I started dating, and it was always an unrealistic work load. Still, I was so much more upset (once we started dating) by what he was asked to do than I had been by what I had done. That's just an example to prove my point...
Anyway, my dad says he has seen it a lot as a manager. He said some of his most heated arguments have occurred when a husband goes home and his wife tells him that his boss is treating him unfairly, underpaying him, etc. They sometimes come back and demand a raise or a promotion or they quit.
I just think it is funny. I suppose it is tied in with seeing and valuing your partners skills so much more clearly than they can themselves. I know that Matt seems to paint a much rosier picture of my education, abilities and work experience than I do.
This week for counseling one of our assignments was to list our dreams for ourselves and our spouse. I didn't have very many for myself (which, I guess, is probably because I feel my education is incomplete and therefore I am unprepared to hold the kind of job I really want). But I do have a lot of dreams for Matt, because I see all of his skills and believe he can make something out of every one. I wrote that I would like to support him going to seminary, and maybe we could serve in ministry together the way my parents have. Or some day he could be an elder, because he has a lot of maturity and wisdom to offer, and he is very concerned with the biblical accuracy of his decisions. Or he could be a musician... or start his own web design company... or stay at his job and climb the ladder. There are so many possibilities.
Anyway, it is just interesting to me. I feel so much more upset when Matt is wronged than when I am wronged. I guess that is just part of getting/being married but I think it's neat.

I've spent all day working on our wedding invitations (which I am designing all by myself, and assembling with a little help)... and I am bored...

Anyway, I'm off to draw a map of my grandma's house...

beautiful boy + tweak

So last night my family (everyone except Becca) drove out to clackamas to meet David and Nic Sheff. David Sheff is the author of the book I just finished reading (beautiful boy), which is about his son's addiction to crystal meth. And Nic just finished his own book (tweak), which is the same story but from a different point of view. He's 2 years sober right now.
David Sheff actually turned out to be sick, so I didn't get to hear him speak or talk to him, but his son shared his own story and it was pretty cool. The coolest thing was that my brother came with us and sat through the whole thing.
It's weird, you read a story about someone else's life and when it draws so many parallels to your own you feel connected to that person... but you realize that you still don't really know them. And it was really moving to hear the way people communicated at the book signing, because a lot of people shared their own struggles and were open and honest and you just don't get that very often in life.
Anyway, it was a cool experience.

Also, my mom and I have been doing weight watchers and I am not ashamed to admit it because it is awesome. I have felt much better since I've been eating healthier, exercising more, and getting more sleep. As of today I am down over 7 pounds from when I first signed up 4 weeks ago. So that is really cool. I'm wearing some old jeans today which is always a good feeling. And it makes my wedding-day goal seem more realistic to have successfully lost so much weight already. I can't wait to get my dress and have them tailor it down for me (it was a little on the small side when I ordered it, and I have lost 1 pants size already).
Yay for me!

I'm tired but I have a lot of things on my mind... thus I can't sleep despite the fact that I've been up since 3:00 this morning (thanks Trisha for the drunken texting).
We've been really busy this week between wedding stuff and condo stuff, but it's actually been pretty fun. The last two nights we have been up late painting and wandering around Home Depot looking at carpets/tile/fans/you name it. I actually think having a project to work on is helping relieve stress, because I feel like I am accomplishing something. So even though my wedding stuff has sort of fallen by the wayside a bit these last two weeks, I'm okay with it.
I've had my doubts about taking on the responsibility and time commitment of a fixer-upper, but it's great. I like working hard, especially when Matt and I are doing it together, and it's fun when we agree on how things should look (which, surprisingly, is almost all of the time- even on the wall colors we picked out). So that is a relief that we are working well as a team and having fun with it. It's exciting to see things changing already and look forward to all the things we have left to do.

Well, i'll probably watch some scrubs episodes... they never fail to put me to sleep... heh

beautiful boy

Nic's friend Stephen speaks. He describes his lifelong 'dance' with alcohol-- he was ten when he got drunk for the first time. His wife cries continuously.
'We love you so much,' she says to Stephen when it is her turn, 'but I have heard your remorse before. I have heard your promises. I can't live this way.'
James's wife speaks about how he has plummeted from 'the person I respected most in the entire world, my soul mate,' to someone consumed with pills at the expense of everything else. 'He went from being the kindest, gentlest-'
The counselor, in a quiet, even voice, interrupts. 'Try addressing him directly,' she says. 'Talk to your husband.'
Looking into James's eyes, trembling, she continues: 'You went from being the kindest, gentlest man I had ever know in my life to a stranger, yelling at me, listless, depressed, unkind, and unable to share any kind of openness and intimacy. I keep asking myself...'
She begins to cry.
And then another, and another. They tell their stories, address their loved ones, apologize, rail at them, and weep. Our similarities are profound. To varying degrees, we have spent years accepting and rationalizing behavior in our loved ones that we would never tolerate in anyone else. We have protected them and hidden their addiction. We resented them and felt guilty for it. We have been furious and felt guilty for it. We vowed not to take their cruelty or deceitfulness or selfishness or irresponsibility any longer and then we forgave them. We raged at them, often inwardly. We blamed ourselves. We worried-- worried incessantly-- that they would kill themselves.

PS

I have now learned never to be offended when I am not invited to other peoples' weddings. I find it ridiculous that entire books are written on wedding etiquette, but I have had a week full of hurt feelings, misunderstandings and assumed invitations... ugh.
I am just making a mental note never to put a bride and groom in the awkward position of extending an obligatory invitation.

people are leaving :(

Yesterday Jen, my favorite coworker, had her last day. She is going on maternity leave for the next three months-- exciting for her, but sad for us. I hope that she comes back and becomes a manager (she is assistant manager now) because she is so great to work with. And she is an amazing boss. I can't think of a single person at our store who doesn't love her. And that is pretty impressive given the drama that goes on in our store...

On another sad note, my family (the Lewises) are moving to Arizona in four days, which sucks. It was nice to have them here for a while at least. They are our closest family on my dad's side despite the fact that my cousins have lived in Afghanistan almost my whole life. At least now they will be closer (and safer).

I had a crappy day

I've decided to blog every night before I go to sleep because I think it helps me unwind.

Anyway, today was not the greatest day. We had in-store training (I'm sure you read about it on the front page of the Oregonian. Or heard about it in the news. Or saw it on yahoo). It broke up my work day so that I left work and pretty much had to come right back a couple hours later. I didn't get out of work until 9:20ish tonight and I was in a bad mood during the training because of the day I had leading up to it. The training is a good thing but I was not in the mood for it tonight.
Part of the reason I was in a bad mood today was that I had a bit of a scare with one of my friends... there were some concerns about their health so I was waiting all day to hear if they were going to be ok or not. It turns out they are but the wait was pretty horrible.

...On a totally different note... Sometimes I think I would prefer to have a desk job so I can focus on one task at a time and not be worried about hurting anyone's feelings or stepping on peoples' toes. I work very hard and take pride in my work. Especially considering what I get paid (little) and how much authority I am given (very little). I know people (/Starbucks reps) would say that I get paid more than most people doing the type of work that I do, but I feel like Starbucks as a corporation demands a lot from its low-level employees. They expect us to care about quality and business even though it has a minimal impact on the average barista. I'm sure plenty of people could give me reasons why everyone should think it's important but the fact is, they expect a lot of buy-in from people who are probably just working there for a part-time thing.
I actually do work very hard and pay attention to things like the average ticket, transactions per half hour, labor, sales, quality, speed of service, furthering my knowledge, etc, etc. Yesterday I spent three hours in voluntary training to learn even more about coffee so I can help my store to be passionate about whole bean and brewed coffee as a quality product.
And some days I wonder why I even work so hard when all that stuff seems to kind of get lost. I mean I seriously work my ass off going above and beyond what some of my peers do. Unfortunately this really just seems to bite me on the ass. And maybe there is no point in doing that. I suppose I would make the same paycheck whether I go the extra mile or not. And if I'm not going to get another promotion (which it doesn't feel like I will) then it's not even like I'm investing in my own future.

Anyway, today just pissed me off. Some days I feel that I work hard for absolutely no reason, and today was one of those days. I think working has to do much more with the principle than with the paycheck. Because if I couldn't take pride in/feel good about my work, I would quit my job even if it meant giving up a steady paycheck.

Tomorrow is a day off, which is good, because I am burnt out and I need clean laundry really badly...

life and family

I feel really busy.
So the last few weeks I have been doing a lot. Matt and I looked for condos and hopefully are in the process of buying one. He moved (which, admittedly, I played a minimal part in). I'm trying to work as much as possible to maximize cash on hand. Which means I am picking up about one extra shift a week. I know that most people work 40 hours a week and that's not something to complain about, but now that I'm only getting one day off a week to do wedding planning, it feels like a lot. My room is trashed and I've been washing the same clothes to wear to work over and over again because I can't find any other ones.

Also, wedding planning is turning out to be a bit more than I bargained for. It stresses me out. I'm trying to keep things simple and delegate but it's still a lot of stuff to juggle.

So today we went out to Gresham and met with my grandparents to look at their property for the wedding. My grandma was very excited and surprisingly laid back. She said we could do whatever we wanted. So we talked about flowers and tables and chairs and all the other little stuff that goes into wedding planning.
Anyway, that's exciting because it means we actually have a date for our wedding! And now I can turn that stack of paper and ribbon sitting on my desk into pretty little save-the-dates.
Also, I am going with my mom tomorrow to order my dress. I found the one I want but I have to special order it and it won't come in for another three months. So that is also exciting. I realized in the process of trying on dresses that I am not as opinionated about the dress as most people are. I figure, you can either shop every single store til you find the absolute perfect one, OR, you can find one you like and looks good on you and buy it. Because, frankly, the more dresses you try on the more confused you get. And nothing is 100% perfect. So the dress is often this huge multiple month, multiple shopping trip ordeal.
So I'm not into all that, really. Although I have been getting pretty girly about the arts and crafts, which I guess makes up for it.

I hate it when, in movies, people cheat on their spouses.
I don't like it in real life either, but when it's paraded around for the sake of "entertainment"... well that really gets under my skin.
There are a lot of reasons why I hate it. Mainly because it saddens me. Also because it may actually be an accurate reflection of life, what with more than 50% of marriages ending in divorce.
But most of all I hate it because I don't want to see it. I hate to think that something so hurtful could be so romanticized to the point that we call it entertainment.

I remember the first time I really pondered this was when I saw the movie Lord of War, which was a couple of years ago. And the main character in the movie had no conscience. I mean, the guy sold guns to children. But still, when he cheated on his wife (who was, of course, a very devoted and loving wife who had no idea what her husband was) I was still shocked. It didn't really help that in that particular situation he was sleeping around with African prostitutes in a region where there was an 60% HIV rate, and of course he went home and slept with his wife after that. Which I suppose is reasonable given his character. But still, promising to love and cherish and protect someone your whole life and then exposing them to a deadly STD is disturbing (and also, thankfully, illegal).

But anyway, my point is that I wish this wasn't so prevalent in our culture that it is accepted as good or right, which is how it's often portrayed.

Anyway, I need to get to sleep because I have to work early tomorrow...

change is coming

So it has been a pretty crazy week. Well, it's only been 6 days. But it seems like there is a lot of stuff going on, too much for one week.
Yesterday Matt and I (but mostly Matt) got pre-approved for a mortgage loan. He needs to be out of his apartment by the end of February, so we are going to look for a condo next week. It is both exciting and overwhelming. We will probably get a fixer-upper type place, which I am excited about. Matt has lived in two different apartments in the time we've been dating, and I've lived in one before, and the one thing that really bothered me about it was that you couldn't make it yours. You couldn't fix stuff if it broke or make things better. So I am looking forward to doing those kinds of things. Hopefully we will earn some money on the place.
It is crazy to be getting married and buying a home, I never imagined we would be able to do those two things at the same time. I was prepared to wait a long time to own a place. But Matt and I have tried to be very conscious of our spending and saving. Matt more so than me; I don't have much to contribute. But anyway, the end result is that we are probably going to own our own place very soon and that is pretty freaking cool.
I have also been scrimping and saving and I'm going to be buying a car pretty soon here, probably in the next couple of weeks. Nothing fancy, just something that successfully gets me from point A to point B. This is still a really big deal for me because it will be the first major purchase I will make on my own. I decided several months ago that I didn't want to bring more debt than I had to into our marriage so I waited until I could just buy a cheaper car without making payments. It has taken longer than I thought but I am finally ready! That is exciting too.
And then of course there is wedding planning. And even though I watched other people do it and everybody kept telling me I would underestimate it, I still feel like I have underestimated it. So far we have made up a rough guest list and that's it. Although I feel like that's a pretty good accomplishment for this week.
Also I think I might go look at dresses tomorrow with my mom, Becca, and Brianna, since Matt is out of town. Everyone is telling me horror stories about dress ordering and shipping, so even though I'd rather wait, I'll probably look sooner rather than later. Because what if I end up being that horror story that has to walk down the aisle in a prom dress because her gown didn't ship in time?

man, i feel crappy today.

my sweetie is sick :(

I think Matt has the flu. So he has been sleeping a lot. Which leaves me with random pockets of time and nothing to do. For some reason I've just watched like 5 episodes of scrubs back to back.
Also, on a (seemingly) unrelated note, if you have not eaten at Fresh Thyme Soup Company, you must. The food is delicious. The guy behind the counter is a little weird though.

So, in summary, I hope that Matt feels better and that I don't get sick too.

So the last few days have been a crazy whirlwind of activity and I am pretty much exhausted. I suppose I could type a long blog detailing all the fun but what is the point? (Plus I think the bachelorette party is supposed to be kept a secret.)
But the highlights of this weekend were: meeting and hanging out with all the bridesmaids, a weekend of partying, spending a sleepless night in a hotel suite with my best friend (heh), the delicious rehearsal dinner (and wedding food, actually), hiding a lot of kleenex in my bouquet, crying uncontrollably during the ceremony when Jon shared his vows, kessler's flask full of vodka at the reception, kristin walking down the aisle looking like a freaking model from a bridal magazine, signing their marriage license, giving a (mostly) tear-free wedding toast, and seeing Jon's dad do the macarena. And seeing all my friends from high school.

I can't believe my best friend is married! I am so happy for her. It was a great weekend.

I forgot why I loved the media... and then I remembered

I've had some really interesting social opportunities with my coworkers lately.
I had two separate conversations with two separate coworkers about organized religion, Jesus' death and salvation, the inerrancy of scripture and separation of church and state. Both of these started because of movies I had recently watched (Apocalypto and Jesus Camp). It seems weird that a discussion about apocalypto would lead into a discussion about the crucifixion of Christ, but it did and it was pretty interesting and enlightening. Those of my coworkers who are not Christian are generally pretty hostile toward the Christian faith, but I felt like both times the people were interested in talking and sharing their beliefs with me. So I learned some pretty cool stuff about some people that I work with, and we actually managed to talk about religion (and politics) without killing each other. Crazy!

Porter

I'm pretty sure my dog is going to die soon. He has been sick and he is almost 15, so it is probably his time to go. The annoying thing is that my family hasn't been putting much effort into taking care of him, I was the one who took him to the vet and my parents decided not to pay for the blood test he needed done. It is certainly expensive, but it's supposed to alert us of any major issues that could be causing him pain. The vet did call us but since I have been working no one answered the phone or called him back to discuss the results of his tests.
I would really like for my dog to be put down if there's something seriously wrong with him. I don't want him to be in pain or to wake up one morning and find him dead on our kitchen floor (which is probably what will happen).
Also, I'm not really sure how I feel about my dog. He has been our only real pet (I had a turtle once, very briefly) and I've grown up with him; we've had him since I was in kindergarten. At the same time though, I don't have a relationship with my dog like other people have with their pets. He is there and I am there, I feed him and occasionally walk him or pet him, but that's pretty much it.
I have learned a lot about what pets can mean to people by watching the Hartzells. They love their pets more than anyone I know. Ashley lost her puppy recently, and I feel worse for her than I would for myself if my own dog died (I think) because Jack meant a lot more to Ashley than Porter means to me.
But I haven't really lost a pet before. I've lost people and that was a big deal, so it seems like a pet would be nothing in comparison. But I do worry about Porter, so maybe that says something, because if I didn't love him I wouldn't worry.
Also, my brother really loves Porter, so I will feel sad for Daniel when our dog dies, because I know he will have a hard time with it.

Anyway, that's all I have to say. I don't really know how I feel so I was trying to think out loud, but it didn't really get me anywhere.

The holidays are already stressful and it's not even December yet.
Also, I forgot that in the winter I am lucky if I'm healthy for more than a few days at a time.

I remember a time when I thought blogging (and checking my email, and being on AIM, and myspace, and facebook, and the forum) was cool, and did so regularly, but that time is like a distant dream...

Thanksgiving!

Today is my favorite holiday of the year. What could be better than lots of food, board games, movies, sitting around lazily all day, and of course, my family on their best behavior? I also like that the commercialism, for the most part, skips straight from halloween to Christmas, which means that I am not already sick of Thanksgiving by the time it is upon us.
I have a well-deserved day off from work today (I've pulled a couple late nights this week), and the weather is gorgeous, so I am in a great mood and eagerly awaiting the arrival of my cousins... some of them I have not seen in a year. Ian has been on a missions trip to Argentina since I saw him last. So it will be fun to catch up with everyone.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!