solid foods

I know I have not blogged in a really long time... I have had a ton of changes in my life recently what with being laid off and starting my own business, etc. Every day seems to fill itself up with tasks and activities. On Monday we got back from our trip to Black Butte (which was a lot of fun), but unfortunately Matt and I both came down with some sort of chest infection. Mine is worse than his, maybe because of my asthma. Luckily Kisa is still healthy as a horse, thanks to mama milk.

Anyway... a lot of new stuff has been happening with her recently. She's quite the little squirmer, and she's started to move herself around from place to place. It's not crawling, it's more like a weird combination of wiggling/grabbing/rolling that is just as effective. Which means I can't take my eyes off of her, even for a moment, unless she's in her crib or strapped into her bouncy chair. (Even today I watched her wriggle almost completely out of her chair and caught her with both palms on the ground trying to make a clean break.) Sigh... my little baby is growing up.

Our newest thing has been slowly introducing some food over the past month plus. She has conquered rice and barley cereal, green beans, peas, and avocado. I have been making my own baby food, which is cheap and fun, plus I feel like I have had a more hands-on approach to her diet so far. I have been researching the most nutritious foods for her to eat and when to introduce each one. We are trying to steer away from the fruits and sweeter vegetables, and probably juice, until much later on. I want her to learn to enjoy nutritious foods like cauliflower, spinach and squash before we get too crazy with the sweets. However, every time I turn my head Matt seems to be feeding her whip cream, milkshakes and sugar (yes, he fed her plain sugar the other day). I think he enjoys working against me.

What do you think-- does it sound like me?

For Ethnos our "homework" this week was to take a personality test. I was surprised to find that my personality has changed (!) since the last time I took this test. I thought I knew what the results would be. However, I think the influence of my husband (who I'm betting has a pretty similar personality type) has swayed me into become more of a "grown up" (according to us- i.e. being organized, following schedules and routines, etc).


Traits of an ISTJ:

-They place great importance on honesty and integrity.
-They enjoy structure, rules, traditions, and routines.
-Extremely dependable on following through with things they have promised.
-May have a difficult time saying "no" when they are given more work than they can reasonably handle.
-Often work long hours and will put a lot of energy into completing tasks they see as "fulfilling a goal".
-Will resist putting energy into things which don't make sense to them, or for which they can't see a practical application.
-Prefer to work alone, but work well in teams when the situation demands it.
-Likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others, but cares deeply for those around them.
-Tend to express affection through actions rather than through words.
-Faithful and loyal. Traditional and family-minded.
-Can take any task and define it, organize it, plan it, and implement it through to completion.
-Great sense of space and function, and artistic appreciation.
-Acutely aware of their senses, and want to be in surroundings which fit their need for structure, order, and beauty.
-Under stress, ISTJs may fall into "catastrophe mode", where they see nothing but all of the possibilities of what could go wrong. They will berate themselves for things which they should have done differently, or duties which they failed to perform. They will lose their ability to see things calmly and reasonably, and will depress themselves with their visions of doom.

(I put that last part in for Matt... if he read this far... because that is me to a T. He is fond of saying that I am not a problem-solver, which is not true, but I do have my moments where all hope is lost and there's nothing to do but despair and wait for the apocalypse)

reality check

This has been a rough week for me. There are so many reasons why, none of which need to be publicly broadcast... but a lot of things have not gone my way this week, and this morning I am pretty much at the end of my rope. I am so glad today is friday, because I just want to spend a couple of quiet days with my husband, daughter, and a large container of chocolate ice cream.

I would be lying, though, if I said there was nothing positive about this week, so I am taking my friend Sam's advice and focusing on the things I am thankful for.

Yesterday I had a really fantastic opportunity to join a mom's group that is happening at Sunset Pres. I had no idea how badly I needed something like this until I was sitting in a room surrounded by 40 or 50 other moms and babies. I was almost in tears listening to other women sharing their stories of first-time parenthood (which are surprisingly similar to mine). I met another mom who works from home and has a one-year-old son. She's probably at least ten years older than me, but I'll bet we have more in common right now than some friends I've known since high school. I am feeling very, very thankful to have found this group of women and I'm really hoping that both Kisa and I can make some lasting friendships. I think I need to put some more effort into building relationships with other moms, both for my sake and for Kisa's. I have a few acquaintances with young kids, but no one in my immediate community, and I'd really love to have play dates and women I can call up for advice or to vent or whatever.

Anyway, that was a HUGE blessing for me this week. I don't think I can even express in words how much it meant to me.

I have also been reminding myself that the past three years have been overflowing with God's provision and blessings in my life. I got married, bought a house, had a baby, and God has provided for our life together in ways that were literally beyond my imagining. I don't think I could have asked for more from Him. My relationship with my brother has changed and is growing into what I have prayed for years that it would be. I am brimming with pride over Daniel and the things he has accomplished in his own life over the past several months. I hoped for, but did not really expect, him to make such a dramatic change in his life. What a joy for me to finally be able to say that I have a deep respect for my older brother (for the first time in as long as I can remember)...

So, yes, I have an incredible amount to be thankful for. Even if I feel like a lot has gone wrong this week, I have a family I love, a roof over my head, food in my fridge and money in the bank... I have been redeemed by a God who loves me like crazy and has held this entire awful week in the palm of his hand. I guess life isn't so bad after all...

In the last couple of years, with the aid of a stable relationship and the pressure of motherhood, I have grown up a lot. I am still a young'un at 22 (I have a lot left to learn) but I have discovered some very simple pleasures that come along with growing up.

For the first time in my life, I think I can say pretty confidently that I know who I am. I can list qualities that I possess. I can tell you my strengths and weaknesses. I'm sure I'm still in denial about some of my more negative qualities, but, for the most part, I know what being me entails, and I am happy with me.

Which means... I really don't care if other people think I am cool or like the things I like. I am not embarrassed to admit that I listen to Kelly Clarkson or watch The Hills (both of which my husband finds completely ridiculous). I like what I like. I am who I am.

It is a very freeing feeling.

ski trip!

Matt and I received an awesome gift this Christmas (or rather, the promise of a gift). Instead of exchanging presents, my parents are taking the entire family on a four-day ski vacation to Black Butte over President's Day weekend.

I am so excited about it that I am literally counting down the days until we leave. I have not been skiing in over two years, and I think the year before that I went to the mountain only once.

I am not an athlete by any stretch of the imagination, but there is ONE sport that I love, and that is skiing. I love it so much that in high school I was on our school's ski team and I competed (albeit rather poorly) in downhill races. It is also the one sport that I LOVE to watch on TV and will become completely immersed in. Perhaps someday, if I am ever wealthy beyond my wildest dreams, Matt and I will be able to attend the Olympic winter games. It's kinda killing me that they are so close this year and I won't be seeing them.

Anyway... there are not many things I do well athletically (in fact there is nothing I do well athletically) except ski. I'm not fantastic at it, but I am a pretty decent skier and because I love it SO much I have always wanted to get Matt into skiing. We have never been up to the mountain together. To me this is the equivalent of being married to Matt and never hearing him play the drums or never seeing a website he had built. I am so excited to show him something I love and am good at. I really hope he loves it too.

I am also just excited to do something I love. It's sad that my one athletic hobby is such an expensive and complicated one. It's not like you can just drive down the street to a ski resort, and so I don't get to do it as often as I would like. Maybe someday there will be more time or money for this. But for right now I am pretty excited to be going on this trip. Time to wax my skis :)

P.S.

Really, my BIGGEST accomplishment is that my task list no longer includes things like taking a shower, eating meals or changing diapers. Not because I don't do them... but because they no longer register as "accomplishments".

ohhhhh mommyhood. How I have conquered thee.

Things that I did today

In order of completion:
-Cleaned the bathroom (sink, tub, toilet, mopping, etc.)
-Laundry (this was all throughout the day)
-Tidied up the house
-Did 3 work orders for Rezdex
-Took our comforter to the laundromat
-While the comforter was washing/drying: did a bit of grocery shopping at Thriftway
-Went to another store to buy new pillows for our bed
-Cleaned and dusted the bedroom, including putting away all the random junk that has accumulated in there over the past month or so
-Cleaned the kitchen, swept and mopped the kitchen floor
-Paid the bills
-Put my baby to bed
-Did another work order for Rezdex
-Worked on year-end statements for Ethnos

It was a very productive day for me. I am really, really tired. Hopefully I tired Kisa out just as much and we can both sleep soundly tonight!

sleep training

So... day six of sleep training for Kisa (day three of the crib), and she is already going down much easier at night. The last 2 nights she actually put herself to sleep in her crib-- with no tears and barely any fussing. I went in and checked on her and gave her back her binky, but she did the rest herself.

We set up a routine for bedtime: bathtime, lotion, pajamas, nursing, swaddling, storytime, and then I rock her and sing to her until she's drowsy (mostly we don't get to this point cause she gets drowsy as soon as I read to her). It sounds like a lot, but the whole thing takes less than 30 min and she is out like a light with little to no fussing. It's also a lot more fun than rocking her forever. We start the whole thing between 6:30 and 7:30 every night, and there has not been a single night this week where she has not been in bed, asleep, before 8pm.

Besides going down easier at night, she is staying asleep for longer periods of time, and I am sleeping much better having her in her own room. The first night was just like it has been in the bassinet (waking every 2-3 hours), but Friday night she woke only every 4 hours, and last night she slept 6 straight hours when I put her down. That still means getting up 2 or so times in the early morning (this morning I got up at 3:30 and again at 5:30), but compared to how I have been sleeping, this is like sweet manna from heaven. She's now sleeping 12.5-13.5 hours total every night. Thank God she got Matt's genes cause I have never been a good sleeper.

This confirmed a couple of suspicions I had about her: first, that she would respond well to routine and structure (I suppose that's not really a huge surprise because I think that most kids do) and second, she has a bit of an independent streak. That's not really too surprising either, considering her parents, but it's cool to recognize her little personality traits as they develop. I'm sure I will not be too thrilled about that in about 15 years, but for now I am pretty proud of my little daughter. I have a pretty sweet baby...

Les Resolutions!

I know a lot of people think resolutions are lame, but I love them, and I write them every year. Sometimes they are too ambitious for me to complete, and this year I am having a hard time thinking forward an entire year. What will life be like next January? I will have a 17-month-old. I don't know much about 17-month-olds, but I'm guessing they are a lot more work than 5-month-olds. So this year will probably be another year consumed with all things baby. And this time I think I am okay with that.

I have one goal for Kisa over the next few months, and that is to stop sleeping with mommy and daddy. We have been (at least partially) co-sleeping with her since she was a few days old. It started out being something that was genuinely enjoyable for all of us, but as she has gotten bigger (and louder... and more wiggly) it has become less so. I think at this point we are all ready for her to "move out", and I am excited about putting her in her own room, even though I know it will be a tough transition.

My personal goal is to be more open and honest, and it has been inspired by Facebook. Let me explain: over the past few months or so I have been pondering the benefits of social networking tools like Facebook and blogs. They allow me to communicate with all kinds of people: old high school friends, family members around the globe, coworkers, fellow Ethnosians, etc. What I post on my FB page goes out to ALL these people. As such, it eliminates my ability to be different around each group. This, I think, has been a bit of a wake-up call for me, because the truth is that I sometimes am different with different people. Do I want my conservative aunt to see what I would say to my friends (with whom I am often less conservative than I would like)? Would I want my friends to see the things I post about what I believe, or am I too afraid of offending them?

As a result, I have started to really think intentionally about the way that I present myself and whether or not it is an accurate representation of me. Sometimes that means choosing not to say the things I know I really shoudln't be saying, and sometimes that means saying what I want to say, even though I know some people will be offended by it. I want to be someone who is real and honest with people. Even if the majority of people turn out not to like the person that I am-- I at least want them to know who I am. I'm sure I've said things that offend my conservative family members from time to time (and I know for a fact I have shocked my liberal friends). But it has been because I am communicating who I am and what I believe.

So this resolution is partly about becoming a person who is marked by openness and honesty (even with the ugly things) and partly about becoming a person who genuinely feels like they have nothing to hide. If that makes sense.

Finally, I have a resolution for my marriage and spiritual growth. Matt is going to read through the Bible again this year, and I am going to join him on the same reading schedule. Hopefully this will be a good encouragement for both of us. He is generally quite a bit more disciplined than I am, so I hope it will be a help for me having him checking up with me and discuss things with. I love learning and talking about the things I learn, so I really can't think of anything more fun than reading through the Bible with my husband. He is so full of insights.

Anyway, I have to stop writing now because I have to check my blog stats. Matt is claiming he has written more blogs in a four-year-period than I have. I do not think this is the case... but I have to check.

Merry Christmas, Kisa!

When we were over at the Hartzells' on Friday they dug Matt and Ashley's old toy box out of the garage and gave it to us. We gratefully accepted (because when don't we accept free things?) but decided we'd like to make some changes so it would fit better with her decor. So here are the "before" photos:



Step one was to disassemble the whole thing and paint it white and green to match the other furniture in her room.


I found some awesome green and white polka dot fur at the fabric store, and I lined the inside of the toy box with the fabric so her toys won't break when she chucks 'em in there.



I liked the checkerboard from the original design, so I lined the top of the box with felt and painted a new checkerboard on the inside with some green fabric paint:



I also painted over the old patterns on the top and side with my own murals to match her room. One side already had a green chalkboard, which I left because it's cool (and it already matches). Soooooo here's he finished product (after 12 or so hours of work):






We are spending this week remodeling and redecorating Kisa's room (Matt is remodeling and I am redecorating) in preparation for the Big Move (aka when she starts sleeping in a crib and not in our room/bed). Today I did this and Matt hung custom shelving in her closet, replaced her old light fixture with a new ceiling fan, and shampooed the carpet. Tomorrow we are buying a crib and installing blinds. I've got a few other projects I'd like to tackle, but we are well on our way to our first completely remodeled room in this condo!

Thanks Russ and Vicki for the toy box! Kisa will now have furniture in her room from my childhood as well as Matt's, which I think is pretty cool.

I don't really remember last Christmas that well (what with the morning sickness and general exhaustion/terror) but this one was both enjoyable and memorable. Our first Christmas as a family unit. And I will say this: having a baby around certainly makes the holiday a little more exciting. I know she's not old enough to open gifts or enjoy traditions, but this year we thought a little more intentionally about the things we'd like to do as a family in the coming years.

We started a few new traditions that I'm excited about. We baked cookies together, and we set up a Christmas tree and decorated our house as a family. In the future, we'd like to cut down our own tree, and next year we'll probably drive around and see some Christmas lights.

Christmas eve was spent with my family, and they started some new traditions of their own. We set a $10 gift limit, which was pretty fun. It's amazing the stuff you can get for $10. Or make for $10 worth of materials. We traded in our traditional Christmas eve dinner for a pasta dish that we cooked together as a family- right down to the pasta noodles! And all of us, as a family, donated some gifts through the World Vision catalog. I'm looking forward to seeing how that last tradition grows. I think when Kisa gets a bit older I'm going to have her save money for it all throughout the year, and then she will probably have tons of fun picking out the gifts to send (they are things like goats and sheep).

Matt and I started our own tradition on Christmas Eve, too: new pajamas for everyone right before bedtime, and then we all cuddled up on the couch and watched Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.

Christmas day was the usual stockings and presents, and then we went to visit the Hartzells. Lots of fun and presents for everyone- especially Kisa! I'm excited for the baby toys we got. It's so fun to see her growing and beginning to really play for the first time.... she is going to be a little explorer. Once she can get over how awesome her toes are, I'm sure she will really love all the new toys! ;)

I could probably write more but, to be honest, I was writing this to kill time while I waited for my new video game to install on my computer. And it's done. So time for some gaming.

Merry Christmas!

My favorite Christmas song

I’m here with the others
Who saw the heavens testify
Now I hang back in the shadows
I want to come close
I want to know
She sees me shivering here
She smiles and with a nod
I walk through the mud and straw
To the newborn Son of God

Come, let us adore Him
He has come down to this barren land
Where we live
And all I have to give Him
Is adoration

He raises a wrinkled hand
Through the dust and the flies
Wrapped in rags like we are
And with barely open eyes
He takes my finger
And He won’t let go
And He won’t let go
It’s nothing like I knew before
And it’s all I need to know

Come, let us adore Him
He has come down to the world we live in
And all I have to give Him
Is adoration

God is with us here
Our Immanuel
God is with us here
Our Immanuel

O come let us adore Him
O come let us adore Him
Jesus, our Immanuel
Is with us here and He won’t let go

I am continually humbled by the picture of our Savior as an infant... maybe even more so since this year I have experienced motherhood. This song is about a baby, but it is also about our powerful Redeemer... and I think it does a really good job of capturing both. The second verse brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it, or even think about it... what a great God we have!

Regarding Marriage

I am of the opinion that if you solve the problems in the marriages in your church and create really great successful marriages you will not be able to build a church big enough to hold all the people that want to come and have their marriages healed.

Matt and I subscribe to the daily generous wife and husband blogs. It's a great resource for other married couples out there. Or at least I think it is. Basically they email you a tip every day about how to be a better husband or wife. Even if the tips aren't always relevant to you personally, I like the reminder every morning to be thinking about Matt and how I can bless him that day.

Anyway, I also usually read the husbands' blog too, because I find it to be an interesting window into how men view marriage and their wives, and it also reiterates to me how different we (men and women) are from each other. For example, I'd bet most, if not all, of the wives read the husband blog just like I do. I wonder how many husbands read the wife blog? My guess is not too many. :)

I digress. Today I was reading a conversation on this blog about how one man felt the church had failed him, and his marriage, by failing to teach about Godly marriage and sex. I think this is probably a pretty common experience- that the church might see, but will perhaps not address, marital issues. After all, who has the right to "butt in" to someones marriage and offer advice or instruction?

Personally I think that our marriages, like every other piece of our lives, should be open to instruction and guidance. Matt and I set out to be open and honest about our relationship with others. So far that has been easy, because the vast majority of the past year and a half has been amazing. I hope we can continue to be open when things are harder for us.

I love my husband. He is a great man, one whom I deeply respect, and I want the best things for him. I also love marriage, and not only because I love Matt. It is really a phenomenal gift we have been given, to create the picture of God's love for us on earth. We live in a culture where marriage is seriously devalued, and I never want my own relationship to exemplify that, but rather to be a picture of what God intended it to be. When Matt and I fall short of that mark, I would hope that our brothers and sisters in Christ would guide and exhort us.

I liked the quote at the top of this page because I think I agree with this man. I don't know what it is like to be unhappily married but I DO know what it's like to be happily married, and it is something worth cherishing and protecting.

Anyway... kind of a rambly post but I've got relationships on the brain today. :)

My new baby is coming home today

You know you're a grown-up when the most exciting part of your day (well, maybe your week) is getting a refrigerator delivered to your house. And you catch yourself daydreaming about it's shiny exterior, well-organized (and lit) interior, and the fact that it doesn't secretly leak water into your floorboards. Or freeze everything on the top shelf and thaw everything on the bottom shelf.

I am seriously so excited about this fridge.

Of all the wonderful things man has created for our enjoyment and consumption, does anything really compare to a fresh pear and a hard-boiled egg? I would submit to you that it does not.

I do enjoy the occasional (okay, daily) tablespoon of nutella, but still... God's simplest gifts are often the best.

I like the way I feel when I know I am eating well. I feel proud, healthy, energetic, and confident.

I have decided that the pleasure I get from tasting most of the junk foods that I like does not, generally speaking, outweigh the pleasure I get from being in control of my cravings, eating healthy foods and feeling good about the way my body looks. When I was previously overweight I was somewhat insecure about my figure, and just generally less comfortable-- clothes did not fit or feel that great, plus there are all kinds of medical things that spring up with even just ten extra pounds on your body.

Since I am again in the position of needing to lose some weight (thanks to baby Kisa and my crazy freaking thyroid... and, yes, my poor diet/exercise choices) I am reminded of how good it feels to be a healthy weight and composition.

This is all in response to my renewed diet plan, which I started up again today. I slipped off track for a while there, but I'm gonna do this, because I forgot HOW important it is for me to be feeling good about myself.

Matt is also partially joining me in this, against his will, since I am the primary cook in our house and therefore he eats what I cook him. :)

Here is my personal goal: that someday, when I pass off this job as Ethnos administrator, the person who comes after me will never have to say that the person who worked the job before them didn't quite know exactly what they were doing.

They will have an easily maintained organizational system, they will know precisely what the job entails, and they will be trained. And they will have a manual to refer to in the event that they have a question.

I say none of this to "rip on" anyone who has worked this job before me, because I think it is a difficult job if you only do it for a few months (which is what most of them did) or if you are not trained properly (which none of us were). But I think we can do better.

oh, memories

This date last year was the day we found out we were pregnant (and about 4 weeks in).

I came home from work (I had to work the closing shift, so it was about 11) pregnancy test in hand. I had already told Matt about my suspicions earlier that day so he was waiting for me. When we saw those two little strips we (or maybe just me... I don't remember) dropped about a million F-bombs and I cried inconsolably for at least a half an hour, maybe longer.

Haha. I am counting on sleeping better tonight than I did this night last year! :)

I'm praying for a smooth and relaxing day today.

Last night Kisa had a pretty intense bout of crying right before bedtime. I have had a cold since Saturday night that started with a really raw sore throat, so I sent Matt to the store at 10 pm to buy baby tylenol (in case she had caught my germs). Turns out that wasn't it, but I am glad I have it on hand anyway because I think we're getting pretty close to teething time.

She was an absolute angel the rest of the day, though, and I didn't really get a chance to enjoy it because I was working so hard. So I'm hoping she is happy again today and that I will have less to do so I can have a chance to hang out with her and recover. Pretty much my ideal day today would consist of cuddling with her and watching america's next top model reruns. And eating oatmeal.

So I had a revelation tonight as we were watching The Wrestler (which is a good movie by the way): it is ok for parents to not be perfect and to not have the answers all of the time because they are just people. After all, I am a parent and popping out a kid sure didn't make me perfect (although it did make me a little more mature). It seems obvious and simple, yet I realize how much I have expected of my parents (and other parents I have known). Now that I am a parent myself, I hope that my kid will be gracious and merciful when, inevitably, I am selfish and weak.

In other news, for any readers out there in the Real Simple club: they are selling one-year subscriptions on amazon for $5. That was not a typo, it's really $5. So go buy it.