I'm tired but I have a lot of things on my mind... thus I can't sleep despite the fact that I've been up since 3:00 this morning (thanks Trisha for the drunken texting).
We've been really busy this week between wedding stuff and condo stuff, but it's actually been pretty fun. The last two nights we have been up late painting and wandering around Home Depot looking at carpets/tile/fans/you name it. I actually think having a project to work on is helping relieve stress, because I feel like I am accomplishing something. So even though my wedding stuff has sort of fallen by the wayside a bit these last two weeks, I'm okay with it.
I've had my doubts about taking on the responsibility and time commitment of a fixer-upper, but it's great. I like working hard, especially when Matt and I are doing it together, and it's fun when we agree on how things should look (which, surprisingly, is almost all of the time- even on the wall colors we picked out). So that is a relief that we are working well as a team and having fun with it. It's exciting to see things changing already and look forward to all the things we have left to do.

Well, i'll probably watch some scrubs episodes... they never fail to put me to sleep... heh

beautiful boy

Nic's friend Stephen speaks. He describes his lifelong 'dance' with alcohol-- he was ten when he got drunk for the first time. His wife cries continuously.
'We love you so much,' she says to Stephen when it is her turn, 'but I have heard your remorse before. I have heard your promises. I can't live this way.'
James's wife speaks about how he has plummeted from 'the person I respected most in the entire world, my soul mate,' to someone consumed with pills at the expense of everything else. 'He went from being the kindest, gentlest-'
The counselor, in a quiet, even voice, interrupts. 'Try addressing him directly,' she says. 'Talk to your husband.'
Looking into James's eyes, trembling, she continues: 'You went from being the kindest, gentlest man I had ever know in my life to a stranger, yelling at me, listless, depressed, unkind, and unable to share any kind of openness and intimacy. I keep asking myself...'
She begins to cry.
And then another, and another. They tell their stories, address their loved ones, apologize, rail at them, and weep. Our similarities are profound. To varying degrees, we have spent years accepting and rationalizing behavior in our loved ones that we would never tolerate in anyone else. We have protected them and hidden their addiction. We resented them and felt guilty for it. We have been furious and felt guilty for it. We vowed not to take their cruelty or deceitfulness or selfishness or irresponsibility any longer and then we forgave them. We raged at them, often inwardly. We blamed ourselves. We worried-- worried incessantly-- that they would kill themselves.

PS

I have now learned never to be offended when I am not invited to other peoples' weddings. I find it ridiculous that entire books are written on wedding etiquette, but I have had a week full of hurt feelings, misunderstandings and assumed invitations... ugh.
I am just making a mental note never to put a bride and groom in the awkward position of extending an obligatory invitation.

people are leaving :(

Yesterday Jen, my favorite coworker, had her last day. She is going on maternity leave for the next three months-- exciting for her, but sad for us. I hope that she comes back and becomes a manager (she is assistant manager now) because she is so great to work with. And she is an amazing boss. I can't think of a single person at our store who doesn't love her. And that is pretty impressive given the drama that goes on in our store...

On another sad note, my family (the Lewises) are moving to Arizona in four days, which sucks. It was nice to have them here for a while at least. They are our closest family on my dad's side despite the fact that my cousins have lived in Afghanistan almost my whole life. At least now they will be closer (and safer).