Thyroid Disease :(

Well well.

I posted that last blog with the full intent of following it up with an equally verbose sequel, but I got a little bit sidetracked- first with some health issues and then by the business of life in general. So, I plan on coming back to that topic, but today I'm going to go on a rabbit trail.

The month of November was a tough one for me, physically speaking. For the later part of October and the entirety of November I was experiencing nausea, loss of appetite, headaches, fatigue etc. I didn't say much about it because I was almost certain that the symptoms were the result of morning sickness (which, THANK GOD, they were not). I wasn't the only one who thought that either- I have had no less than five pregnancy tests (four of them ordered by doctors), and an ultrasound, in the past month. No babies! So we're in the clear.

What I eventually discovered, last week, is that all of my myriad symptoms have been the result of thyroid disease which has gone untreated for at least a year. A couple of months after Kisa was born, I was diagnosed with thyroid dysfunction and put on a hormone replacement, but after a couple of months of treatment my primary care physician took me off the drugs, told me I was cured, and sent me on my way. Since that time, I haven't had any blood tests or check-ups, but I definitely wasn't cured.

Unfortunately, what my doctor had written off as postpartum thyroiditis is actually thyroid disease. When I had blood work done last week to confirm this diagnosis, the doctor who took my tests was floored that I was still functioning normally and had gone a year without getting a checkup. How insane! I find it really sad, actually, that I am so out of tune with my body as to write off all of the symptoms I have experienced over the past year as "well, that's mommyhood for you!". My general exhaustion, hair loss, struggle to lose weight, irritability, sensitivity to cold, trouble sleeping... etc, etc. Your thyroid is basically what makes your body go, so if you imagine pretty much everything in your body slowing down almost to a standstill, that is where I've been for almost a year. It's pretty sad to think I could have felt so much better than I did (especially during the summer, it would have been a big help!). I have at times over the past week felt overjoyed, sad, and frustrated when I consider how much this has affected, and will continue to affect, my daily life. But I have promised myself to be more engaged in matters of my own health moving forward, and to be more in tune with my own body.

It takes a period of several weeks to several months to regulate hormone levels when you start a hormone replacement treatment, so it will be a while before I am fully myself again, but I am looking forward to a point in the future where I have more energy, can shake off what feels like a mental fog, and feel more grounded emotionally. I am also looking forward to getting some more answers as to why my body has shut down on me so dramatically at such a young age. Although thyroid disease is pretty common among women, it's not very common for someone so young and otherwise healthy, so I will be consulting an endocrinologist to see if there may be other factors causing this illness and if there are any effects from the period during which I was untreated. Severe hypothyroidism can cause heart disease and infertility when unchecked, so I'll need to investigate and see if I have done any kind of permanent damage to my body, which I'm really hoping (and pretty certain) is not the case.

All in all, it has been an emotional week for me. The predominant feeling is one of relief, and motivation to get as healthy as I can. I have let up on my expectations of myself a little bit. I am trying not to be as rigid with my diet and exercise right now and just focus on getting better. It is easier to allow myself to rest more when I think that I will only need to be doing this for a little while, rather than that my fatigue is a way of life that must be conquered (which is how I've been operating for so many months- just push through it!). I firmly believe in the power of positive thinking, so I'm trying to be really kind to my body and think happy thoughts. I'm convinced this has already made a big difference, even by something as minor as saying to myself "Look what I have accomplished today" instead of focusing on all the things I didn't do.

I would be lying, though, if I said there haven't been some moments of intense frustration and sadness in the past week. My difficult nursing Kisa and her early weaning, I now realize, was a result of my disease being unmedicated by my doctor. I have felt frustrated thinking about how much money we spent on baby formula, and sad that I wasn't able to give my daughter all that I wanted to. I have also spent a good deal of time and money in the past year pursuing treatments for symptoms that stemmed from thyroid disease, and that is frustrating too. To think that I had the answer and that my failure to ask enough questions or get involved in my treatment process resulted in all of this nonsense... can be kind of difficult to process emotionally.

In addition to that, there is the reality that I have been diagnosed with a chronic illness. So, for the rest of my life, I will be taking pills and getting blood tests. I pray that I can manage this disease to the best of my ability so that it doesn't affect other parts of my health, and I am taking steps to educate myself as much as possible about my illness and treatment options. I want to be knowledgeable about my health, and I definitely don't want to end up in a similar situation again!

Anyway, I realize that is probably not an interesting topic for most of my readers, but I think it's important to chronicle for myself, as well as for Kisa, who has a very high risk of a developing this disease when she gets older. But hopefully she just inherit my creativity instead! :)