I had a crappy day

I've decided to blog every night before I go to sleep because I think it helps me unwind.

Anyway, today was not the greatest day. We had in-store training (I'm sure you read about it on the front page of the Oregonian. Or heard about it in the news. Or saw it on yahoo). It broke up my work day so that I left work and pretty much had to come right back a couple hours later. I didn't get out of work until 9:20ish tonight and I was in a bad mood during the training because of the day I had leading up to it. The training is a good thing but I was not in the mood for it tonight.
Part of the reason I was in a bad mood today was that I had a bit of a scare with one of my friends... there were some concerns about their health so I was waiting all day to hear if they were going to be ok or not. It turns out they are but the wait was pretty horrible.

...On a totally different note... Sometimes I think I would prefer to have a desk job so I can focus on one task at a time and not be worried about hurting anyone's feelings or stepping on peoples' toes. I work very hard and take pride in my work. Especially considering what I get paid (little) and how much authority I am given (very little). I know people (/Starbucks reps) would say that I get paid more than most people doing the type of work that I do, but I feel like Starbucks as a corporation demands a lot from its low-level employees. They expect us to care about quality and business even though it has a minimal impact on the average barista. I'm sure plenty of people could give me reasons why everyone should think it's important but the fact is, they expect a lot of buy-in from people who are probably just working there for a part-time thing.
I actually do work very hard and pay attention to things like the average ticket, transactions per half hour, labor, sales, quality, speed of service, furthering my knowledge, etc, etc. Yesterday I spent three hours in voluntary training to learn even more about coffee so I can help my store to be passionate about whole bean and brewed coffee as a quality product.
And some days I wonder why I even work so hard when all that stuff seems to kind of get lost. I mean I seriously work my ass off going above and beyond what some of my peers do. Unfortunately this really just seems to bite me on the ass. And maybe there is no point in doing that. I suppose I would make the same paycheck whether I go the extra mile or not. And if I'm not going to get another promotion (which it doesn't feel like I will) then it's not even like I'm investing in my own future.

Anyway, today just pissed me off. Some days I feel that I work hard for absolutely no reason, and today was one of those days. I think working has to do much more with the principle than with the paycheck. Because if I couldn't take pride in/feel good about my work, I would quit my job even if it meant giving up a steady paycheck.

Tomorrow is a day off, which is good, because I am burnt out and I need clean laundry really badly...

life and family

I feel really busy.
So the last few weeks I have been doing a lot. Matt and I looked for condos and hopefully are in the process of buying one. He moved (which, admittedly, I played a minimal part in). I'm trying to work as much as possible to maximize cash on hand. Which means I am picking up about one extra shift a week. I know that most people work 40 hours a week and that's not something to complain about, but now that I'm only getting one day off a week to do wedding planning, it feels like a lot. My room is trashed and I've been washing the same clothes to wear to work over and over again because I can't find any other ones.

Also, wedding planning is turning out to be a bit more than I bargained for. It stresses me out. I'm trying to keep things simple and delegate but it's still a lot of stuff to juggle.

So today we went out to Gresham and met with my grandparents to look at their property for the wedding. My grandma was very excited and surprisingly laid back. She said we could do whatever we wanted. So we talked about flowers and tables and chairs and all the other little stuff that goes into wedding planning.
Anyway, that's exciting because it means we actually have a date for our wedding! And now I can turn that stack of paper and ribbon sitting on my desk into pretty little save-the-dates.
Also, I am going with my mom tomorrow to order my dress. I found the one I want but I have to special order it and it won't come in for another three months. So that is also exciting. I realized in the process of trying on dresses that I am not as opinionated about the dress as most people are. I figure, you can either shop every single store til you find the absolute perfect one, OR, you can find one you like and looks good on you and buy it. Because, frankly, the more dresses you try on the more confused you get. And nothing is 100% perfect. So the dress is often this huge multiple month, multiple shopping trip ordeal.
So I'm not into all that, really. Although I have been getting pretty girly about the arts and crafts, which I guess makes up for it.

I hate it when, in movies, people cheat on their spouses.
I don't like it in real life either, but when it's paraded around for the sake of "entertainment"... well that really gets under my skin.
There are a lot of reasons why I hate it. Mainly because it saddens me. Also because it may actually be an accurate reflection of life, what with more than 50% of marriages ending in divorce.
But most of all I hate it because I don't want to see it. I hate to think that something so hurtful could be so romanticized to the point that we call it entertainment.

I remember the first time I really pondered this was when I saw the movie Lord of War, which was a couple of years ago. And the main character in the movie had no conscience. I mean, the guy sold guns to children. But still, when he cheated on his wife (who was, of course, a very devoted and loving wife who had no idea what her husband was) I was still shocked. It didn't really help that in that particular situation he was sleeping around with African prostitutes in a region where there was an 60% HIV rate, and of course he went home and slept with his wife after that. Which I suppose is reasonable given his character. But still, promising to love and cherish and protect someone your whole life and then exposing them to a deadly STD is disturbing (and also, thankfully, illegal).

But anyway, my point is that I wish this wasn't so prevalent in our culture that it is accepted as good or right, which is how it's often portrayed.

Anyway, I need to get to sleep because I have to work early tomorrow...