Well, today I have a lot to write about, because I have been ruminating on some things for a while.

First of all, I have been reflecting on all the things I have learned about myself while being pregnant. I am the first of most of my friends to have kids, so I am trying to take notes so I can be a better support to each of them if/when they become parents. I am trying to think about which advice was most helpful, what comfort I needed (and when), what products I used, etc. I am trying to think of the interactions I have had with others that made me feel happy and supported, and the ones that made me feel insecure and worried. I am trying to store away all this knowledge so that I can be a good support system to my friends if they need it, but know when to keep my mouth shut if they don't.

For the last month or so I have been buckling down and reading a lot more about birth, parenting, relationships etc. I feel like I am finally ready (mentally) to face the prospect of giving birth. I was trying to describe the process of preparation to Matt... most of the time, in life, pain comes unexpectedly. It is weird to be staring the most physically painful and emotionally demanding event of your life in the face... and trying to prepare for it and accept it-- even look forward to it.

Angie gave me a good book early on, Birthing From Within, which I have been enjoying reading. It's about the mental and spiritual process you go through to prepare for birth and motherhood. There was a great quote in there, (I am going to paraphrase it because I'm too lazy to get up and get it) basically, that if women were really as weak as our current society would have us believe, the entire human race would have gone extinct long ago. I find that comforting and empowering, and I have tried to identify and deal with the fears I have regarding labor and parenting an infant. It has helped me ease my mind and approach the changes in life more confidently.

Finally, I have been reading up on family/marriage relationships once a baby is introduced and trying to think proactively about how Matt and I will tackle parenthood without losing our relationship. I picked up another fantastic book, And Baby Makes Three, last week and I have been totally engrossed in it. I love how it is so full of information and practical tips. I feel like every page is just crammed full of useful knowledge and I'm trying to take it all in.

It's comforting, in a way, to be reading about relationships, because I'm learning that Matt and I have a really good foundation in terms of our marriage and how we relate to each other. I know we are going to be facing a lot of stress and changes, but it seems like our habits and methods are basically on track and that is a big part of keeping your relationship healthy and vibrant (from what I am reading). We were talking about this last night, and Matt was commenting that maybe we haven't been married long enough to really fight about issues. But I can tell a difference even since the beginning of our relationship with how we approach conflicts. I would say we "fought" far more when we were dating, especially in the beginning, than we have since being married.

I am not saying that we are a perfect couple, but rather that I feel we are on a healthy trajectory... I know things will be different, and probably difficult, but I feel confident that we have the skills and resources to manage (and thrive). In a way it is a blessing to be forced to be more proactive with your marriage. It is easy to just let things happen, but having a newborn will mean we are forced to be more intentional with our relationship (something we probably should be doing anyway).

Lastly, I have learned to see some other blessings in our lives as I consider our new baby and the world she's going to be born into. Matt and I had originally hoped I would be a stay-at-home mom when our children were born. Because of where we are right now that isn't really a possibility. But I am learning to see the blessing in all of that. We are planning to arrange our schedules so that I can work part time while Matt stays home with the baby. I will be able to work a little bit less, so that in and of itself is a blessing. Also, I am excited about Matt being able to provide the majority of the childcare when I am away. I think it will give him time to gain confidence on his own as a dad and bond with his daughter. So many dads aren't really able to spend one-on-one time very often with their kids. So that is a hidden blessing in all of this. Also, I think it will be good for me to be able to get out of the house, even if it is to go to work.

I have also been thinking about the very special privilege our daughter will have because of Ethnos. My whole family attends church there so it is literally a family experience for us. It is cool to think that as our daughter grows, she will witness my parents' example of ministry as well as mine and Matt's. We will have three generations of one family in the same church... that is pretty crazy to think about. I don't know how long we will all be serving together like that, but unless God calls us away we plan to be at Ethnos as long as the doors are open. So the prospect of raising our daughter in an intimate, family church where she is known and loved is exciting to me.

Anyway... I have been blogging a long time and there are other things I need to get done today, so I will stop there.