I'm gonna be honest: I don't really feel like blogging. However, I have been neglecting this blog for a long time, and if I don't push myself, the situation will perhaps deteriorate entirely.

So I will give this my full attention until: a) The dryer goes off or b) my daughter wakes up from her nap, whichever comes first.


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My body has been doing some weird stuff lately. Since my thyroid diagnosis, I have been taking medication that has a side effect of speeding up my metabolism. This is super awesome. After spending a whole lifetime as the woman who eats a burger and gains five pounds, I find it extremely gratifying to be able to eat what I want without gaining weight.

But. Is that really a blessing? In the past I have had to be very careful about diet and exercise. There are times when that is stifling and annoying, but overall I think it has led me to good health habits and positive self-image, despite having to pass on cake or bacon from time to time.

So, I am still trying to watch what I eat. Perhaps not the portions as closely as I used to, but at least what goes in. Because you can look great and be totally unhealthy.

In other news, one of my lifelong goals has been to be able to confidently wear a bikini. I do not know why this is a goal, because I don't think I would actually wear a bikini even if I had a killer bikini body. I am one of the most modest people ever (like refuse-to-breastfeed-in-public modest), so I believe in being fully clothed. But, I would really like to try on a bikini at the store and look fantastic in it, then put it back on the shelf and go home (or maybe buy it and wear it just for Matt).

Anyway, I do not even know if this goal is achievable. Let's face it, motherhood does not do wonders for your abs... and there's only so much exercise can do to undo the fact that you carried a human being in your gut for nine months. But, I am going to try.

SO anyway, I have set up a cardio and weight lifting regimen for the next three months and hope to be toned up by the end of them. If not bikini-ready, then at least in better shape, right?!

Aaaaaaaand there goes the dryer! :)

Westport

So the last two weeks our family has attended Westport church (a nice reprieve from the Pacific Northwest Drum Tour that has been our life for the past few months). I think for the time being Kisa and I are going to be setting up home base there, while Matt continues to play around town as there is need. I think this is a great opportunity for him and love that he is able to be a blessing to lots of different church bodies. But it has been difficult for Kisa and I- it is tough for her to be thrown into a different nursery each week and tough for me to feel like I don't have "roots" anywhere.

Anyway, Kisa and I will be at Westport, for a while anyway. Matt will join us on weeks he is not leading elsewhere, and we will probably join him when he plays at Imago Dei. I don't know how long we will be there or if our whole family will end up there or at Imago, but we shall see, and I'm okay with that for now. I plan on getting plugged in to the community there but keeping my mind open if God calls us to move.

This last week/weekend was especially powerful for me as I felt like I had a good opportunity to get to know the character of the leadership at Westport and the fellow believers there. Last week, one of their members (someone very well connected with the church and different ministries there) was arrested as a result of some nasty sin that had run rampant in his life. I won't go into the details of all that here, because it's not really my story to share. However I was really impressed by the response I saw in the church.

I feel like this man's situation was handled with maturity and grace, with members of the church who had every right to be angry and disgusted instead reaching out and offering support.

Then I was blown away by the sermon on Sunday which was a humbling reminder of who I am without Christ. The jist of the message was this: we can see the effects of unchecked sin in another's life and it is appalling... we may think that we would never stoop to such lows in our own life, and be disgusted and condemn others. But instead, I was reminded that I am not so different from this poor man. I could be in his shoes, easily, without the grace of God. I don't think I'm above any of the sins that are out there. I don't think I'm above cheating on my husband or becoming and alcoholic or abusing my child. All it takes is for us to open ourselves up to sin and temptation. Let it take hold, and we are each capable of the same appalling, disgusting lows. Sin is a slippery slope that way, and none of us are above temptation.

After church, I met a handful of people including the new pastor (who I love- he is one of the most positive and upbeat people I have ever met), childcare workers, and one of the elders, who I had a great conversation with.

Anyway, I have felt very welcomed into this new body and am looking forward to meeting new friends and serving there. Kisa has been struggling with the nursery situation, but she joined us in service last week and was exceptionally well-behaved there (after ramming her head repeatedly into the wall in the childcare). I think we broke her spirit. Hopefully she will adapt now that things will be more stable for her... I'm hoping she makes a connection with one of the childcare providers or kiddos and that will be our ticket to getting well-adjusted with all the new faces.

I know Matt is going to jump on me for saying this, but... I kinda wish I could freeze time right now so my daughter can be 18 months old for a long time.

I just love it. I have been enjoying every day with her. That is not to say it is not challenging- she has been cutting her molars and I honestly don't think there is a single book in her possession that has not been partially devoured. One night I went out and she ate a page of her FAVORITE book, Baby Loves, which Nana brought her from the Museum of Modern Art in NYC. I was pretty annoyed by that.

In general though, I am loving life. Kisa is happy, I am happy, and we are very busy with friends and "adventures". I am beginning to realize just how well-behaved Kisa generally is, and I am thankful for that.

There is this nagging thought in the back of my head that this won't last forever. She is going to grow up and stop being thrilled by mac and cheese and hunting for ladybugs. Eventually, she will even stop cuddling with me on the couch or running across the room to give me hugs. That sucks. There are things I am really looking forward to about having an older kid, but I love having a toddler. It is just going by way too fast. I don't know if I will ever have another child and so I feel like I need to soak up all of these moments now.

Anyway, there is stuff about parenting a toddler that is really annoying. I guess I have just tried not to see it that way because I know all of it is fleeting and I will miss it when it is over. Well, most of it. I don't think I will ever miss using our playpen as a hallway blocker. :)