Social Explosion

I have been meaning to blog for a long time, but honestly, life with a toddler is busy busy busy and yet surprisingly unproductive. ;)

So I blogged recently about the church Matt and I (mostly just me but Matt on occasion) have been attending, Westport. I am too lazy to link to that blog, but you can search back through my archives if you want to reference it or if you missed it. That's just a little background on some of what I plan to talk about in this particular blog.

So... to start off with, I am young. I mean really really young, and I feel it. A lot. Though there are parts of my life where I am, as you would say, "ahead of the curve", the truth is I have only lived on this earth for 23 years and I am not nearly as wise or as self-aware as I feel like I should be.

I find this particularly important when I think about the changes that have been going on in our lives over the past few months and how I have been coping with them. As you all know, our church of several years closed, and Matt and I went on a city-wide "church hunt" to look for a new body for our family to join. It has been a great experience for me in more ways than one, but probably the most essential way has been what it has taught me about myself and the way I perceive myself.

I don't wish to say anything negative about Ethnos, and I'm sure some people will hear it that way regardless of the words I use. But the truth is that by the time Ethnos ended, I was exhausted and looking for some things I felt I had really missed out on (at least in the last several months or year): community with other moms, the ability to serve in the areas I was most passionate and talented, and bible study.

I don't mean to say those things didn't happen at Ethnos, because they definitely did and in fact, the way these things happened at Ethnos has probably formed a lot of my expectations of how church should be. But by the end, it wasn't enough for me. I wanted lots of moms to chat with and have playdates. I wanted lots of artists to create and bring to fruition huge projects. Most of all I have really wanted a personal mentor and a consistent bible study.

So during this time of transition for us, I have been throwing myself headlong into every opportunity that has come my way: relationships, ministries, activities, bible studies. I have found a mentor (she is an amazing lady who I will have to reserve a separate blog for) who I plan to meet with regularly, I have connected with more than one group of mothers and made several really great friendships, and in the near future I hope to help out with the A/V team at Westport. They also have a bible study that I will probably join.

The passion with which I have pursued all these different things reminds me of a kid who has been inside all winter and can finally go out to play in the sun. I am just excited about life and about all the different ways to spread my wings.

I am discovering, as a Christian, how much joy there is in the Gospel message, the community of believers, and the world that God has created for us. That probably sounds crazy, but too much of my adult life I have spent dealing only with the muck and the grime of life and surrounding myself with people who do the same. I don't want to be that person. I want to be a person who is marked by love, joy, and the peace of Christ in her life. I want to be someone who is a good and loyal friend, a faithful servant, and an encouragement in tough times.

As a leader, I also want to be someone who leads with joy and not with fear. I think this is key. I have always thought of myself as a leader and believe it to be one of my spiritual gifts (I have blogged about this before too). But I think my failures to lead well in the past have been tied up in my own negativity- by attempting to control others or by failing to keep my eyes on the goal.

Anyway, I know this blog is pretty much pure madness. I try to be coherent, but honestly, I don't have a ton of time inside my own head at this stage of life, so a lot of my processing happens on this blog. Hopefully you can follow my rabbit trails and see what I am trying to say.