I'm sure nobody in the world finds this information as fascinating as I do, not even Matt, but every Monday I have been reading about the growth of my little baby. This week happens to be the final week of my first trimester, which I am thrilled about for a whole host of reasons. I've been feeling a little bit better, (or perhaps I've just had a better attitude about feeling nauseous, I'm not sure) a lot of the dangers have passed, I should be getting my energy back, and we're going to the doctor this week! So there is a lot to be excited about.
Anyway, by now my baby has hair follicles and ears, he/she is legitimately a boy or girl (even though we can't tell which one yet), and is the size of a plum (which seems pretty huge after measuring in olives and raspberries for the past two months).
One thing I have been really thankful for lately is that I have noticed my attitude has changed a bit toward the world, toward pregnancy and toward parenting. I tend to be anxious, or I have been in recent years. I'm not sure if this worrying is a personality trait of mine or if it was a response to the extreme stress I went through in the past four or five years. But, it was significant enough to color some of the decisions I made. In fact, one of my main reasons for being so opposed to having children was the fears I had about how my children would grow up. Would they be born healthy, would I raise them right, would they have emotional troubles like I have experienced with my family? I have watched my parents go through a great deal of suffering on my and my siblings' behalf and I have never been envious to repeat that myself. I have worried about every possible thing a parent could worry about- kidnapping, drugs, SIDS, birth defects, mental illness, you name it. This was all happening before we were even pregnant, and put weight on my decision to never have kids, or at least prevent having them as long as I possibly could. Which turned out to be about four months.
Anyway, what I have noticed over the past couple of months is that I have been more at ease about this than about many of the things that have happened in the past several years of my life. There are so many things to be worried about, and yet, for the most part, I have not been worried. I am very thankful for that, because if I were to follow my usual pattern in this, I would probably be constantly beside myself. I have a very strong sense of God's control of this situation (something I have rarely been aware of in the past) and I believe that all will go well for us. I think we will have a healthy baby, and I know that we will be both be good parents.
That's not to say I am not occasionally overwhelmed, I'm just saying that in general, I feel confident about the future.
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2 comments:
You two will be great parents! Your example, your faith, and your experiences will all guide you...
Ciara, I as the Grandma to this baby care ALOT about how big he or she is getting, and how many things are happening weekly! And sweetie what is happening to you is what happens to all Mom's to be. You are falling in love with the child growing inside you conceived with the love of your life, my baby boy. You are learning what it feels like to be a Mom and love unconditionally even now. And you guys will be GREAT parents, and this child will be raied in a God filled, loving and nuturing home. There is nothing more to be asked for, you have it all.... Vicki
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