Today I:
1) cut open my left hand thumb with a box cutter (ouch)
2) got a performance review at work (doing good)
3) got a raise because of my performance review (I don't know how much)
4) welcomed my friend (alaina) back from idaho
5) didn't go grocery shopping
Yesterday I:
1) had to call my boss to let me into the store at 4 am
2) was reviewed (surprise!) and then complimented by our district manager for running the "perfect shift" (she didn't know about the 4 am part I guess)
3) started an intense bible study that I plan to finish in april or may
4) was inspired and brought to tears by the facts of this study
5) didn't go grocery shopping
On Monday I:
1) totally scorched the thumb of my right hand (if you are reading this far you will realize by now that I am totally thumb-crippled)
2) baked 4 completely different mini pizzas for dinner (pepperoni, taco, chicken bacon parmesan, four cheese)
3) left my keys inside the store to screw myself over the following morning
4) had my first ever taste of some kind of alcoholic tea beverage (gross)
5) went grocery shopping, but only one day's worth
I am desperately in need of groceries but I've learned over the past three(ish) months that I HATE GROCERY SHOPPING... and so does Matt.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Starbucks is just like high school.
If there is ever anything you don't want me to know about you, then don't tell anyone who works for Starbucks because
A) They are some of the most gossipy people on the planet and
B) They are everywhere, so your secrets will spread like wildfire.
A) They are some of the most gossipy people on the planet and
B) They are everywhere, so your secrets will spread like wildfire.
Monday, September 01, 2008
I don't want to be a flake
Some recent events have really had me pondering some points of my character and thinking about how to change the things I'm not too fond of.
I am a very creative person, which is something I'm very proud of and, honestly, one of the things that brings joy to my life. I love to design and create things. I love learning new skills and I love being able to hold something in my hands and say to myself, "I made this."
My brain follows a million different projects at a time; I have barely written down an idea for one thing when I am already thinking about the next. It can get overwhelming at times.
The thing that bothers me about this, and I'm sure it is a common complaint among creative people, is that with so many ideas and plans, it is really difficult to be a man or woman of your word.
I really value stability and trustworthiness in others, but neither are traits I excel in myself. When I say I am going to do any given thing, I genuinely mean it and get excited about it, but mere months later I find myself struggling to follow through, if I follow through at all. Usually by then I have come up with a "better" or "more important" plan and justify my "moving on" from previous projects.
Anyway, in recent history I've begun to see the negative effect this can have on others, and I've started to think about how I can work on being more of a "do-er" than a "say-er". Life and plans change, and at my age and in this stage of life, I know I am naturally going to be less stable than others around me. But I would love to be the person who can be trusted to do what they say they will do. I would love to be described as punctual, reliable, and stable.
So I'm not really sure how to get there. I think sometimes it will require gritting my teeth and following through on something even though I'm ready to quit. I'm sure I'll learn to choose my words carefully when I commit to things or explain my visions. I know that I will need to pray a lot about where God wants me to spend my time, and surrender my plans to Him.
Anyway, my point is that I could use some prayer. I feel like this is a weak point in my character that has the potential to really harm my ministry, and I really want to work on it so that I am able to effectively serve the way God has intended.
I am a very creative person, which is something I'm very proud of and, honestly, one of the things that brings joy to my life. I love to design and create things. I love learning new skills and I love being able to hold something in my hands and say to myself, "I made this."
My brain follows a million different projects at a time; I have barely written down an idea for one thing when I am already thinking about the next. It can get overwhelming at times.
The thing that bothers me about this, and I'm sure it is a common complaint among creative people, is that with so many ideas and plans, it is really difficult to be a man or woman of your word.
I really value stability and trustworthiness in others, but neither are traits I excel in myself. When I say I am going to do any given thing, I genuinely mean it and get excited about it, but mere months later I find myself struggling to follow through, if I follow through at all. Usually by then I have come up with a "better" or "more important" plan and justify my "moving on" from previous projects.
Anyway, in recent history I've begun to see the negative effect this can have on others, and I've started to think about how I can work on being more of a "do-er" than a "say-er". Life and plans change, and at my age and in this stage of life, I know I am naturally going to be less stable than others around me. But I would love to be the person who can be trusted to do what they say they will do. I would love to be described as punctual, reliable, and stable.
So I'm not really sure how to get there. I think sometimes it will require gritting my teeth and following through on something even though I'm ready to quit. I'm sure I'll learn to choose my words carefully when I commit to things or explain my visions. I know that I will need to pray a lot about where God wants me to spend my time, and surrender my plans to Him.
Anyway, my point is that I could use some prayer. I feel like this is a weak point in my character that has the potential to really harm my ministry, and I really want to work on it so that I am able to effectively serve the way God has intended.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Handywoman
Yesterday I took on my first home improvement project by myself... it was mostly successful, so I'm going to call it a win.
Since we have two bathrooms in our home we kind of have a "his" and "hers" thing going on. Both are pretty dated and we haven't done anything (except paint) to update them. The bathroom I use is also the most visible bathroom in the house, so it's kinda been on my mind that I'd like to do a little renovation in there, when we have the time and money.
Anyway, both bathrooms have these ugly glass shower doors. It's not that I hate the idea of shower doors, because if they had nice frosted glass or something a little more modern they might be okay. But they are hard to get clean and the kinds we had featured the 90's pebbled glass look, which I figure will not earn us any money when we try to sell our home. So I ripped them out in favor of a shower curtain. All by myself. And it looks pretty decent.
The only mistake was that in prying off part of the assembly I nicked the tub. This would have been a lot more disappointing if it was the first nick in our bathroom. But now it's just something I'll fix when I go to fix the sink that somehow got chipped also.
I'm hoping that when (if?) life settles down I'll be able to tackle more of these one-day projects. I already have several things on a list of improvements to do like: rip out the other shower doors (if Matt will let me in HIS bathroom), frame out the kitchen cabinets, and resurface the countertops.
But, alas, married life (or maybe summer, or maybe simply the aftermath of really withdrawing from society for several months to plan the wedding) has been busy. We have been out of town every weekend this summer, and this week (now that we are finally home) we have something going on almost every night of the week (wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday) and stuff we couldn't squeeze into this week already queued up for next week.
I'm sure all the moms (if any moms have time to read this) are rolling their eyes at me right now, but to me that is a lot of stuff going on and it's difficult to balance it all.
Since we have two bathrooms in our home we kind of have a "his" and "hers" thing going on. Both are pretty dated and we haven't done anything (except paint) to update them. The bathroom I use is also the most visible bathroom in the house, so it's kinda been on my mind that I'd like to do a little renovation in there, when we have the time and money.
Anyway, both bathrooms have these ugly glass shower doors. It's not that I hate the idea of shower doors, because if they had nice frosted glass or something a little more modern they might be okay. But they are hard to get clean and the kinds we had featured the 90's pebbled glass look, which I figure will not earn us any money when we try to sell our home. So I ripped them out in favor of a shower curtain. All by myself. And it looks pretty decent.
The only mistake was that in prying off part of the assembly I nicked the tub. This would have been a lot more disappointing if it was the first nick in our bathroom. But now it's just something I'll fix when I go to fix the sink that somehow got chipped also.
I'm hoping that when (if?) life settles down I'll be able to tackle more of these one-day projects. I already have several things on a list of improvements to do like: rip out the other shower doors (if Matt will let me in HIS bathroom), frame out the kitchen cabinets, and resurface the countertops.
But, alas, married life (or maybe summer, or maybe simply the aftermath of really withdrawing from society for several months to plan the wedding) has been busy. We have been out of town every weekend this summer, and this week (now that we are finally home) we have something going on almost every night of the week (wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday) and stuff we couldn't squeeze into this week already queued up for next week.
I'm sure all the moms (if any moms have time to read this) are rolling their eyes at me right now, but to me that is a lot of stuff going on and it's difficult to balance it all.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Wedding Photos
Mainly I'm posting this for the fam, but if anyone else is interested feel free to check em out:
http://kkstudioconnect.com/apps/customer/events.php?custID=81
Under user name put "zeus" and click login!
http://kkstudioconnect.com/apps/customer/events.php?custID=81
Under user name put "zeus" and click login!
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Final Cut Pro Editor
That was today's. The chances are really slim that I would ever land that job, although it would be awesome if I did, because it's pretty much my dream job.
Should I allow myself to hope?
Should I allow myself to hope?
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
One a day, every day
Today I applied for a position as a showroom assistant at a NW Portland firm. It's basically data entry/receptionist type stuff, but at least they are looking for someone with a creative streak.
This sounds a little more up my alley, so I'm hoping I get a call.
This sounds a little more up my alley, so I'm hoping I get a call.
Monday, August 04, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
PR
Today I ran the farthest and fastest I have ever run in my entire life. Not that it was anything amazing- 3.66 miles. Still only about half of my goal. But I have now surpassed any past level of physical fitness. So that's a good feeling.
Monday, July 21, 2008
It's time for a new job
So here I am typing up my resume and wondering when I should tell my current boss (who doesn't handle employee turnover too well) that I want to quit.
It could be the hours. I've been working 4:00-12:30 4 or more days a week, which was fine when I was getting a good break here and there, but lately I'm lucky to get two days off in a row, and that is not cool with me. I have an assistant manager who constantly shows up 10-15 minutes late for every shift. He's stopped apologizing for this and I've stopped hoping this behavior would change if I brought it up to my manager. I learned very early on in my employ at this store that the manager and assistant manager have each others backs. I would find this admirable if not for the rumored reasoning behind it, which you can probably figure out for yourself.
One thing I have learned is that the best way to get along with people is to just accept criticism, and follow their correction. Even when I don't agree or am not responsible for something that has happened, I just take it. It's frustrating, because I sometimes get blamed for other peoples mistakes, but I find that trying to point that out never reflects back the way it should. So I am kind of stuck. Although I think the majority of the time I have earned the criticism that comes my way, so maybe that's not too important of an issue.
Anyway, the point of this post is: I am getting my stuff together and going to look for a new job. Not a retail job. One where I can sit at a desk and stare at a computer screen all day, and maybe have a boss like Michael Scott who I can make fun of on my luxurious weekend off.
It could be the hours. I've been working 4:00-12:30 4 or more days a week, which was fine when I was getting a good break here and there, but lately I'm lucky to get two days off in a row, and that is not cool with me. I have an assistant manager who constantly shows up 10-15 minutes late for every shift. He's stopped apologizing for this and I've stopped hoping this behavior would change if I brought it up to my manager. I learned very early on in my employ at this store that the manager and assistant manager have each others backs. I would find this admirable if not for the rumored reasoning behind it, which you can probably figure out for yourself.
One thing I have learned is that the best way to get along with people is to just accept criticism, and follow their correction. Even when I don't agree or am not responsible for something that has happened, I just take it. It's frustrating, because I sometimes get blamed for other peoples mistakes, but I find that trying to point that out never reflects back the way it should. So I am kind of stuck. Although I think the majority of the time I have earned the criticism that comes my way, so maybe that's not too important of an issue.
Anyway, the point of this post is: I am getting my stuff together and going to look for a new job. Not a retail job. One where I can sit at a desk and stare at a computer screen all day, and maybe have a boss like Michael Scott who I can make fun of on my luxurious weekend off.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Weight Watchers is the best thing ever
So today I went back to Weight Watchers for the first time in 3 weeks... and I have to say I actually missed it. For those of you who have talked to me about my whole weight loss journey you will know I am a huge WW fan now. There's really no substitute for a good diet and exercise, and I like how the resources help me to make healthy choices. I like the camaraderie too; hearing other peoples' stories is helpful and interesting and having a "weigh-in" every week keeps you motivated.
I lost about 30 pounds and I've kept it off about 6 weeks, which isn't a ton, but it's encouraging because it isn't as difficult as I thought it would be. Plus I feel great. I wasn't able to exercise much before because of the general busyness of remodeling and planning a wedding. But I noticed when I went back to the gym that things I thought would be difficult were actually fairly easy. On our honeymoon I woke up early one day and ran three miles without having run in several months. So that was a really good feeling. Over the weekend, Matt and I went on a 7-mile hike with my parents and it was fun, not painful.
So my next goal is just to get more physically fit. Matt and I are trying to go to the gym every week day but it's difficult to stay motivated. So I think I am going to enter an event, since it always helps me to have a goal in mind. There's a 10k coming up (the Human Race- it's the Nike one), and I want to run it. It's the 31st of August and it's about 2x the length of what I can run now, so it should be a doable challenge.
So ask me how I am doing with this when you see me. And more importantly, if you want to run it with me, tell me. I'm trying to get Matt on board, but I don't know how that will pan out. I'll run it alone if I have to, but it sure would be nice to have some company...
Anyway, that's all I have for now. I spilled a cup of coffee on my skirt this morning (which is what I get for not wearing an apron) and I think it's been soaking in chemicals for about 30 minutes now, which is probably worse for the fabric than the original spill.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
I have the best husband ever
Yesterday I had to work late and when I came home not only was dinner waiting for me but Matt had bought me a video game he knew I wanted.
But even normal day-to-day married life is awesome. I know I am probably more optimistic than most since I've been married less than two weeks, but I like the simplicity after all the months of busy-ness and stress. We have so much less to coordinate. Not just big things, but little things too, like who's driving to who's house or where we're eating or whether or not we have time to run errands or pursue our individual hobbies. These things may sound stupid, but they have really simplified my life.
Not to mention the fact that I now live with one other person (and one small cat) instead of four other people (and two large dogs). Which means the house is always quiet (unless Matt is playing videogames) and if I clean something, it's still clean when I get home from work (no offense Owens, if you're reading this).
So, not to say that married life is perfect, because that would be unrealistic, but it is pretty cool. I've heard some brides get post-wedding blues, and I kind of understand how that could happen, but not me. I think married life is the best possible reward for enduring wedding planning.
But even normal day-to-day married life is awesome. I know I am probably more optimistic than most since I've been married less than two weeks, but I like the simplicity after all the months of busy-ness and stress. We have so much less to coordinate. Not just big things, but little things too, like who's driving to who's house or where we're eating or whether or not we have time to run errands or pursue our individual hobbies. These things may sound stupid, but they have really simplified my life.
Not to mention the fact that I now live with one other person (and one small cat) instead of four other people (and two large dogs). Which means the house is always quiet (unless Matt is playing videogames) and if I clean something, it's still clean when I get home from work (no offense Owens, if you're reading this).
So, not to say that married life is perfect, because that would be unrealistic, but it is pretty cool. I've heard some brides get post-wedding blues, and I kind of understand how that could happen, but not me. I think married life is the best possible reward for enduring wedding planning.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
when you have a bad day
Today was just not great. It started off that way, but now I am tired, frustrated, and my back hurts.
I came home from an (emotionally) exhausting day of work to roughly 50 unchecked emails, many of which were disappointing (the video guy who was going to tape our wedding just fell through and i have no back up plan and no time to fix it... stuff like that).
I really want to elaborate on all this, but alas, my own better judgment restricts me. It also, regrettably, restricts me from drowning my sorrows in a huge bowl of ice cream.
On the up side, tonight I get to pick up my wedding dress, and tomorrow I get to take the day off work and go to a spa in gresham to get my hair and makeup done (it's a trial run for the big day). So that stuff will be nice, and hopefully relaxing.
I came home from an (emotionally) exhausting day of work to roughly 50 unchecked emails, many of which were disappointing (the video guy who was going to tape our wedding just fell through and i have no back up plan and no time to fix it... stuff like that).
I really want to elaborate on all this, but alas, my own better judgment restricts me. It also, regrettably, restricts me from drowning my sorrows in a huge bowl of ice cream.
On the up side, tonight I get to pick up my wedding dress, and tomorrow I get to take the day off work and go to a spa in gresham to get my hair and makeup done (it's a trial run for the big day). So that stuff will be nice, and hopefully relaxing.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
oh man, oh man
I have this cold that I just cannot shake. Maybe because of getting up at 3 for the past 3 days in a row... maybe because it just needs to run its course. But either way, my head hurts, my throat feels raw and even though I've been napping in all my spare minutes I'm exhausted.
And, on the flip side of that, I have a TON of excess energy... I feel like I just need to move. I'm sure that sounds impossible since it pretty much is impossible. I think it has something to do with mental stress and overexcitement about the wedding day, cause it is coming up! Or maybe it has to do with the fact that I lost 20 pounds and I'm eating better than I have in like 10 years. I hear that will do it too. Who knows. But I bought some new running shorts and I'm aching to go to the gym... once I feel like I will survive a few minutes on the treadmill.
I also feel like our wedding stuff is (maybe? finally) pulling together a bit, which is nice. Not to say I am anything other than incredibly busy all of the time, but at least I have a structured and reasonable plan to conquer the madness in the time allotted.
Over the weekend my mom and I went down to Gresham and looked for beauty salons to make us pretty on the day of the wedding. I have never gotten my makeup done professionally and I've only gotten my hair done once (for my prom). And it will be a completely unreasonable and outrageous expense that I will never duplicate another day of my life, ever. So that is my big thing to pamper myself and I am excited. I also get to go in two weeks before and have a trial run so I can make sure they do things right. I'm not crazy about the idea of having to pay twice for the same hairdo but oh well. Maybe I will convince my sis to hit the town with me that night so it's not a complete waste.
Well, this rambling has been therapeutic but I need to do some work now... I have like 20 billion emails piled up from the week of never checking my email... ugh.
And, on the flip side of that, I have a TON of excess energy... I feel like I just need to move. I'm sure that sounds impossible since it pretty much is impossible. I think it has something to do with mental stress and overexcitement about the wedding day, cause it is coming up! Or maybe it has to do with the fact that I lost 20 pounds and I'm eating better than I have in like 10 years. I hear that will do it too. Who knows. But I bought some new running shorts and I'm aching to go to the gym... once I feel like I will survive a few minutes on the treadmill.
I also feel like our wedding stuff is (maybe? finally) pulling together a bit, which is nice. Not to say I am anything other than incredibly busy all of the time, but at least I have a structured and reasonable plan to conquer the madness in the time allotted.
Over the weekend my mom and I went down to Gresham and looked for beauty salons to make us pretty on the day of the wedding. I have never gotten my makeup done professionally and I've only gotten my hair done once (for my prom). And it will be a completely unreasonable and outrageous expense that I will never duplicate another day of my life, ever. So that is my big thing to pamper myself and I am excited. I also get to go in two weeks before and have a trial run so I can make sure they do things right. I'm not crazy about the idea of having to pay twice for the same hairdo but oh well. Maybe I will convince my sis to hit the town with me that night so it's not a complete waste.
Well, this rambling has been therapeutic but I need to do some work now... I have like 20 billion emails piled up from the week of never checking my email... ugh.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
I'm getting married really soon.
I have so much stuff to do in the next 40 days that it seems close to impossible that I will be able to get everything done.
Also, it's time to buy new clothes. Or at least a belt. Yesterday I used a paring knife to drill a hole in my only belt so that it would actually keep my pants up.
In other unrelated news, Matt is in Washington this weekend and I don't have to go to work, AND Kristin is here from Seattle (but not Jon). So last night we hung out and watched a movie (I will not name the movie so as to save what little pride we have left). Anyway... it was fun. And today I am going to do lots of wedding stuff... and pack some things up to take to the condo. And throw out the rest of my fat clothes.
I have so much stuff to do in the next 40 days that it seems close to impossible that I will be able to get everything done.
Also, it's time to buy new clothes. Or at least a belt. Yesterday I used a paring knife to drill a hole in my only belt so that it would actually keep my pants up.
In other unrelated news, Matt is in Washington this weekend and I don't have to go to work, AND Kristin is here from Seattle (but not Jon). So last night we hung out and watched a movie (I will not name the movie so as to save what little pride we have left). Anyway... it was fun. And today I am going to do lots of wedding stuff... and pack some things up to take to the condo. And throw out the rest of my fat clothes.
Monday, April 28, 2008
I have a ridiculous headache right now; it feels like someone drove a needle right between my eyes...
A couple of weeks ago my brother found a little puppy on the side of the road. She's adorable (half yellow lab and half german shepard; 4 months old) but she really annoys me. The last week or so I have been woken up every day by her or Porter barking or Daniel yelling at one of them. It makes me really mad. Plus she jumps up on you whenever you enter a room, bites you, chews on your shoes and pees all over the carpet. I keep waiting for her old owners to come and claim her, but I don't think it's going to happen and Daniel is pretty much set on keeping her. We have a full house as is and two dogs is just too much for me. (She just woke me up from my nap so I'm a little grumpy.)
Also, today was my first day at my new store and it went well. I was pretty nervous because I had never met any of the employees there before (not even the manager) and I had an opening shift so I felt pretty clueless. The store is much newer than Bethany Village and has all kinds of equipment I had never even seen before, so I felt like an idiot asking questions all morning long. The whole atmosphere could seriously not be more different than the last store. It was super slow all morning and I was just standing around... weird. But cool. I have a feeling I'm really going to like it there. Everybody told me when I first come to be very humble and not try and act like I know everything. I really don't feel like that is going to be a problem since, like I said, everything is totally different and I have new equipment and people and routines to learn.
In other news, there are two games coming up that I want to play very badly, Grand Theft Auto IV and Gran Turismo 5. I have spent countless hours of my life playing GT3 and GTA3 so I'm excited for the sequels. In fact today I came home from work craving some GT3 action. I hardly ever have time for video games anymore (when I was in school I used to play them for hours and hours on the weekends), so I'm hoping after the wedding I have some time to play them with Matt. Although the inconvenient thing for us is that we both like single player RPGs so it's not very often that we play games together... although GT5 is multiplayer and I hear GTA4 has a good multiplayer function.
So anyway, other news. I have just finished the book Tweak, by Nic Sheff (see previous posts about Nic Sheff/David Sheff/beautiful boy). It's weird because I met him about a month ago, heard him speak and talked to him for a bit. But that was before I really heard his side of the story and I feel like I had no idea at the time what he had been through and how much of a miracle his sobriety was (or the fact that he was alive in general). I suppose this is true with all recovering addicts. But I feel sincerely happy for him, almost like he is a friend of mine somehow. I suppose this is just because of how honest and open his book is. It seems like you know everything there is to know about him. There are secrets in that book that, if they were mine, I would keep them to my grave. And he just kind of puts it all out there. Which makes me really, genuinely glad for him and his family.
Anyway, I guess that is all I have to say for now. I should really be doing something else instead of wasting my time blogging, but I haven't blogged in a long time and I had lots to say...
A couple of weeks ago my brother found a little puppy on the side of the road. She's adorable (half yellow lab and half german shepard; 4 months old) but she really annoys me. The last week or so I have been woken up every day by her or Porter barking or Daniel yelling at one of them. It makes me really mad. Plus she jumps up on you whenever you enter a room, bites you, chews on your shoes and pees all over the carpet. I keep waiting for her old owners to come and claim her, but I don't think it's going to happen and Daniel is pretty much set on keeping her. We have a full house as is and two dogs is just too much for me. (She just woke me up from my nap so I'm a little grumpy.)
Also, today was my first day at my new store and it went well. I was pretty nervous because I had never met any of the employees there before (not even the manager) and I had an opening shift so I felt pretty clueless. The store is much newer than Bethany Village and has all kinds of equipment I had never even seen before, so I felt like an idiot asking questions all morning long. The whole atmosphere could seriously not be more different than the last store. It was super slow all morning and I was just standing around... weird. But cool. I have a feeling I'm really going to like it there. Everybody told me when I first come to be very humble and not try and act like I know everything. I really don't feel like that is going to be a problem since, like I said, everything is totally different and I have new equipment and people and routines to learn.
In other news, there are two games coming up that I want to play very badly, Grand Theft Auto IV and Gran Turismo 5. I have spent countless hours of my life playing GT3 and GTA3 so I'm excited for the sequels. In fact today I came home from work craving some GT3 action. I hardly ever have time for video games anymore (when I was in school I used to play them for hours and hours on the weekends), so I'm hoping after the wedding I have some time to play them with Matt. Although the inconvenient thing for us is that we both like single player RPGs so it's not very often that we play games together... although GT5 is multiplayer and I hear GTA4 has a good multiplayer function.
So anyway, other news. I have just finished the book Tweak, by Nic Sheff (see previous posts about Nic Sheff/David Sheff/beautiful boy). It's weird because I met him about a month ago, heard him speak and talked to him for a bit. But that was before I really heard his side of the story and I feel like I had no idea at the time what he had been through and how much of a miracle his sobriety was (or the fact that he was alive in general). I suppose this is true with all recovering addicts. But I feel sincerely happy for him, almost like he is a friend of mine somehow. I suppose this is just because of how honest and open his book is. It seems like you know everything there is to know about him. There are secrets in that book that, if they were mine, I would keep them to my grave. And he just kind of puts it all out there. Which makes me really, genuinely glad for him and his family.
Anyway, I guess that is all I have to say for now. I should really be doing something else instead of wasting my time blogging, but I haven't blogged in a long time and I had lots to say...
Thursday, April 10, 2008
You know what I find interesting?
I think people who are married or in a serious relationship can attest to this... how much more protective you are of your partner than of yourself.
Some days, after a particularly frustrating day at work, I will complain extensively about the things that bother me. Almost 100% of the time I have no intention of making any changes at my job but I'm merely blowing off steam. But Matt's response is almost always "you should quit" or "that job is beneath you". I'm sure he sincerely believes all that although the prospect of quitting my job is unrealistic, I'm making okay money and I (usually) enjoy what I do. Obviously there will be changes in the future, but for now it is okay.
Still, I find myself feeling the same way whenever someone is treating Matt unfairly, taking advantage of his skills or his willingness to help. I helped out with Quake for a long time before Matt and I started dating, and it was always an unrealistic work load. Still, I was so much more upset (once we started dating) by what he was asked to do than I had been by what I had done. That's just an example to prove my point...
Anyway, my dad says he has seen it a lot as a manager. He said some of his most heated arguments have occurred when a husband goes home and his wife tells him that his boss is treating him unfairly, underpaying him, etc. They sometimes come back and demand a raise or a promotion or they quit.
I just think it is funny. I suppose it is tied in with seeing and valuing your partners skills so much more clearly than they can themselves. I know that Matt seems to paint a much rosier picture of my education, abilities and work experience than I do.
This week for counseling one of our assignments was to list our dreams for ourselves and our spouse. I didn't have very many for myself (which, I guess, is probably because I feel my education is incomplete and therefore I am unprepared to hold the kind of job I really want). But I do have a lot of dreams for Matt, because I see all of his skills and believe he can make something out of every one. I wrote that I would like to support him going to seminary, and maybe we could serve in ministry together the way my parents have. Or some day he could be an elder, because he has a lot of maturity and wisdom to offer, and he is very concerned with the biblical accuracy of his decisions. Or he could be a musician... or start his own web design company... or stay at his job and climb the ladder. There are so many possibilities.
Anyway, it is just interesting to me. I feel so much more upset when Matt is wronged than when I am wronged. I guess that is just part of getting/being married but I think it's neat.
I've spent all day working on our wedding invitations (which I am designing all by myself, and assembling with a little help)... and I am bored...
Anyway, I'm off to draw a map of my grandma's house...
I think people who are married or in a serious relationship can attest to this... how much more protective you are of your partner than of yourself.
Some days, after a particularly frustrating day at work, I will complain extensively about the things that bother me. Almost 100% of the time I have no intention of making any changes at my job but I'm merely blowing off steam. But Matt's response is almost always "you should quit" or "that job is beneath you". I'm sure he sincerely believes all that although the prospect of quitting my job is unrealistic, I'm making okay money and I (usually) enjoy what I do. Obviously there will be changes in the future, but for now it is okay.
Still, I find myself feeling the same way whenever someone is treating Matt unfairly, taking advantage of his skills or his willingness to help. I helped out with Quake for a long time before Matt and I started dating, and it was always an unrealistic work load. Still, I was so much more upset (once we started dating) by what he was asked to do than I had been by what I had done. That's just an example to prove my point...
Anyway, my dad says he has seen it a lot as a manager. He said some of his most heated arguments have occurred when a husband goes home and his wife tells him that his boss is treating him unfairly, underpaying him, etc. They sometimes come back and demand a raise or a promotion or they quit.
I just think it is funny. I suppose it is tied in with seeing and valuing your partners skills so much more clearly than they can themselves. I know that Matt seems to paint a much rosier picture of my education, abilities and work experience than I do.
This week for counseling one of our assignments was to list our dreams for ourselves and our spouse. I didn't have very many for myself (which, I guess, is probably because I feel my education is incomplete and therefore I am unprepared to hold the kind of job I really want). But I do have a lot of dreams for Matt, because I see all of his skills and believe he can make something out of every one. I wrote that I would like to support him going to seminary, and maybe we could serve in ministry together the way my parents have. Or some day he could be an elder, because he has a lot of maturity and wisdom to offer, and he is very concerned with the biblical accuracy of his decisions. Or he could be a musician... or start his own web design company... or stay at his job and climb the ladder. There are so many possibilities.
Anyway, it is just interesting to me. I feel so much more upset when Matt is wronged than when I am wronged. I guess that is just part of getting/being married but I think it's neat.
I've spent all day working on our wedding invitations (which I am designing all by myself, and assembling with a little help)... and I am bored...
Anyway, I'm off to draw a map of my grandma's house...
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
beautiful boy + tweak
So last night my family (everyone except Becca) drove out to clackamas to meet David and Nic Sheff. David Sheff is the author of the book I just finished reading (beautiful boy), which is about his son's addiction to crystal meth. And Nic just finished his own book (tweak), which is the same story but from a different point of view. He's 2 years sober right now.
David Sheff actually turned out to be sick, so I didn't get to hear him speak or talk to him, but his son shared his own story and it was pretty cool. The coolest thing was that my brother came with us and sat through the whole thing.
It's weird, you read a story about someone else's life and when it draws so many parallels to your own you feel connected to that person... but you realize that you still don't really know them. And it was really moving to hear the way people communicated at the book signing, because a lot of people shared their own struggles and were open and honest and you just don't get that very often in life.
Anyway, it was a cool experience.
Also, my mom and I have been doing weight watchers and I am not ashamed to admit it because it is awesome. I have felt much better since I've been eating healthier, exercising more, and getting more sleep. As of today I am down over 7 pounds from when I first signed up 4 weeks ago. So that is really cool. I'm wearing some old jeans today which is always a good feeling. And it makes my wedding-day goal seem more realistic to have successfully lost so much weight already. I can't wait to get my dress and have them tailor it down for me (it was a little on the small side when I ordered it, and I have lost 1 pants size already).
Yay for me!
David Sheff actually turned out to be sick, so I didn't get to hear him speak or talk to him, but his son shared his own story and it was pretty cool. The coolest thing was that my brother came with us and sat through the whole thing.
It's weird, you read a story about someone else's life and when it draws so many parallels to your own you feel connected to that person... but you realize that you still don't really know them. And it was really moving to hear the way people communicated at the book signing, because a lot of people shared their own struggles and were open and honest and you just don't get that very often in life.
Anyway, it was a cool experience.
Also, my mom and I have been doing weight watchers and I am not ashamed to admit it because it is awesome. I have felt much better since I've been eating healthier, exercising more, and getting more sleep. As of today I am down over 7 pounds from when I first signed up 4 weeks ago. So that is really cool. I'm wearing some old jeans today which is always a good feeling. And it makes my wedding-day goal seem more realistic to have successfully lost so much weight already. I can't wait to get my dress and have them tailor it down for me (it was a little on the small side when I ordered it, and I have lost 1 pants size already).
Yay for me!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
I'm tired but I have a lot of things on my mind... thus I can't sleep despite the fact that I've been up since 3:00 this morning (thanks Trisha for the drunken texting).
We've been really busy this week between wedding stuff and condo stuff, but it's actually been pretty fun. The last two nights we have been up late painting and wandering around Home Depot looking at carpets/tile/fans/you name it. I actually think having a project to work on is helping relieve stress, because I feel like I am accomplishing something. So even though my wedding stuff has sort of fallen by the wayside a bit these last two weeks, I'm okay with it.
I've had my doubts about taking on the responsibility and time commitment of a fixer-upper, but it's great. I like working hard, especially when Matt and I are doing it together, and it's fun when we agree on how things should look (which, surprisingly, is almost all of the time- even on the wall colors we picked out). So that is a relief that we are working well as a team and having fun with it. It's exciting to see things changing already and look forward to all the things we have left to do.
Well, i'll probably watch some scrubs episodes... they never fail to put me to sleep... heh
We've been really busy this week between wedding stuff and condo stuff, but it's actually been pretty fun. The last two nights we have been up late painting and wandering around Home Depot looking at carpets/tile/fans/you name it. I actually think having a project to work on is helping relieve stress, because I feel like I am accomplishing something. So even though my wedding stuff has sort of fallen by the wayside a bit these last two weeks, I'm okay with it.
I've had my doubts about taking on the responsibility and time commitment of a fixer-upper, but it's great. I like working hard, especially when Matt and I are doing it together, and it's fun when we agree on how things should look (which, surprisingly, is almost all of the time- even on the wall colors we picked out). So that is a relief that we are working well as a team and having fun with it. It's exciting to see things changing already and look forward to all the things we have left to do.
Well, i'll probably watch some scrubs episodes... they never fail to put me to sleep... heh
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
beautiful boy
Nic's friend Stephen speaks. He describes his lifelong 'dance' with alcohol-- he was ten when he got drunk for the first time. His wife cries continuously.
'We love you so much,' she says to Stephen when it is her turn, 'but I have heard your remorse before. I have heard your promises. I can't live this way.'
James's wife speaks about how he has plummeted from 'the person I respected most in the entire world, my soul mate,' to someone consumed with pills at the expense of everything else. 'He went from being the kindest, gentlest-'
The counselor, in a quiet, even voice, interrupts. 'Try addressing him directly,' she says. 'Talk to your husband.'
Looking into James's eyes, trembling, she continues: 'You went from being the kindest, gentlest man I had ever know in my life to a stranger, yelling at me, listless, depressed, unkind, and unable to share any kind of openness and intimacy. I keep asking myself...'
She begins to cry.
And then another, and another. They tell their stories, address their loved ones, apologize, rail at them, and weep. Our similarities are profound. To varying degrees, we have spent years accepting and rationalizing behavior in our loved ones that we would never tolerate in anyone else. We have protected them and hidden their addiction. We resented them and felt guilty for it. We have been furious and felt guilty for it. We vowed not to take their cruelty or deceitfulness or selfishness or irresponsibility any longer and then we forgave them. We raged at them, often inwardly. We blamed ourselves. We worried-- worried incessantly-- that they would kill themselves.
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