ohhh how I want to be skinny again
and have my back stop hurting
and dress my baby in all her little baby clothes and cuddle her instead of zeus... because zeus bites.
and along those lines, cuddle with matt without feeling like there's a huge beach ball between us...
all in good time, I suppose.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
So the past few days have been busy ones for us. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to cram all our parenting classes into the span of several days (which I'm now a little glad I did, because we only have one left to take and had I spaced them out more I'd be worried about missing out on taking them).
On Saturday I spent more than 8 hours at the hospital (Matt spent 5), and learned about nursing and caring for an infant. Last night we took a two-hour infant CPR class. We have our last birthing class tomorrow (that was a four week-long deal) and then we will be done! To be honest, the classes are a bit tedious, especially the one we took last night, which could have easily been condensed to a one hour class. And I'd forgotten what it's like to take classes with complete strangers.
The other thing we did this weekend was sit down with my parents and have a discussion about all of our expectations surrounding family and baby stuff for the next year. We did this same thing before we got married, and I felt like it was really helpful our first year to have guidelines and expectations we had all agreed upon beforehand.
After the conversation, I was feeling really blessed to have the parents that I have. I can tell that they have put a lot of thought into the kind of parents and grandparents that they want to be. I know it must be really hard to watch your kids grow up and not need you so much anymore, but my mom and dad have done a really good job of encouraging Matt and I to be independent, and have given me a lot of confidence in my ability to make the right choices for my own life and family.
We told my parents about the baby early last December, and since then the main message they have given to us over and over again is that they are confident in our ability to parent. In fact the FIRST thing my dad said to me was "I'm just really excited and I KNOW you are going to be great parents." That is a very reassuring message for a first-time mom or dad to hear. It raises my own confidence and my confidence in our relationship as parents and grandparents of this new baby.
It seems like there is so much going on and so much anticipation building... on the one hand, I am trying to focus on this little person I am soon going to meet. It could be any day! That is a terrifying and exciting thought. On the other hand, I am treasuring the last few days and weeks that Matt and I will have alone to focus just on each other... and hoping to draw them out as long as I possibly can. And to add an extra layer, since I don't have a ton of distractions at the moment, I am completely tuned in to my body and waiting for signs of labor, for this whole process to begin... you better believe I am feeling every contraction now and I can't wait for my appointment on Thursday.
Also, somewhere in the way back of my mind, I am still hoping to get a chance to see Harry Potter 6 before I go into labor.
On Saturday I spent more than 8 hours at the hospital (Matt spent 5), and learned about nursing and caring for an infant. Last night we took a two-hour infant CPR class. We have our last birthing class tomorrow (that was a four week-long deal) and then we will be done! To be honest, the classes are a bit tedious, especially the one we took last night, which could have easily been condensed to a one hour class. And I'd forgotten what it's like to take classes with complete strangers.
The other thing we did this weekend was sit down with my parents and have a discussion about all of our expectations surrounding family and baby stuff for the next year. We did this same thing before we got married, and I felt like it was really helpful our first year to have guidelines and expectations we had all agreed upon beforehand.
After the conversation, I was feeling really blessed to have the parents that I have. I can tell that they have put a lot of thought into the kind of parents and grandparents that they want to be. I know it must be really hard to watch your kids grow up and not need you so much anymore, but my mom and dad have done a really good job of encouraging Matt and I to be independent, and have given me a lot of confidence in my ability to make the right choices for my own life and family.
We told my parents about the baby early last December, and since then the main message they have given to us over and over again is that they are confident in our ability to parent. In fact the FIRST thing my dad said to me was "I'm just really excited and I KNOW you are going to be great parents." That is a very reassuring message for a first-time mom or dad to hear. It raises my own confidence and my confidence in our relationship as parents and grandparents of this new baby.
It seems like there is so much going on and so much anticipation building... on the one hand, I am trying to focus on this little person I am soon going to meet. It could be any day! That is a terrifying and exciting thought. On the other hand, I am treasuring the last few days and weeks that Matt and I will have alone to focus just on each other... and hoping to draw them out as long as I possibly can. And to add an extra layer, since I don't have a ton of distractions at the moment, I am completely tuned in to my body and waiting for signs of labor, for this whole process to begin... you better believe I am feeling every contraction now and I can't wait for my appointment on Thursday.
Also, somewhere in the way back of my mind, I am still hoping to get a chance to see Harry Potter 6 before I go into labor.
Friday, July 10, 2009
I think I take a lot of things for granted in my life.
You know when you are sick, and you throw up, and immediately afterwords you feel SO MUCH BETTER? Even better than if you had never been sick in the first place? Or you go for a hike and you're REALLY THIRSTY and when you get that first sip of water it's sweet like candy?
I just think that sometimes I forget how great everyday life is until something comes along to shake it up a bit. And I've realized that relief is one of my favorite sensations in the entire world.
The last few days have had some moments of pretty severe stress (I would go so far as to label it panic). For example, preterm labor, stolen cars, and possible stolen identities are all things that really get your heart rate going. I also have a very active imagination so I tend to extrapolate situations in my mind to the worst possible outcome. I try to pray and recall scripture when I feel myself panicking, but I think maybe I have a superpower: worrying. It just comes very naturally to me. What can I say... I have a gift.
Anyway, my point is that, in all these situations over the past week, I have panicked. But in the end, things have all turned out okay. And the rush of relief when you realize that there was no need to panic in the first place is probably one of the best feelings ever. Really, you're just returning to life as usual. But it feels SO AMAZING because you've just had a huge burden of worry lifted off your shoulders.
So... I am going to try to work on not panicking in the first place (although I do feel that every instance of panic over the last week was probably warranted and would be experienced by almost every other person in my situation(s)), but for the moment I am just basking in the relief of everything being (momentarily) right in my world.
You know when you are sick, and you throw up, and immediately afterwords you feel SO MUCH BETTER? Even better than if you had never been sick in the first place? Or you go for a hike and you're REALLY THIRSTY and when you get that first sip of water it's sweet like candy?
I just think that sometimes I forget how great everyday life is until something comes along to shake it up a bit. And I've realized that relief is one of my favorite sensations in the entire world.
The last few days have had some moments of pretty severe stress (I would go so far as to label it panic). For example, preterm labor, stolen cars, and possible stolen identities are all things that really get your heart rate going. I also have a very active imagination so I tend to extrapolate situations in my mind to the worst possible outcome. I try to pray and recall scripture when I feel myself panicking, but I think maybe I have a superpower: worrying. It just comes very naturally to me. What can I say... I have a gift.
Anyway, my point is that, in all these situations over the past week, I have panicked. But in the end, things have all turned out okay. And the rush of relief when you realize that there was no need to panic in the first place is probably one of the best feelings ever. Really, you're just returning to life as usual. But it feels SO AMAZING because you've just had a huge burden of worry lifted off your shoulders.
So... I am going to try to work on not panicking in the first place (although I do feel that every instance of panic over the last week was probably warranted and would be experienced by almost every other person in my situation(s)), but for the moment I am just basking in the relief of everything being (momentarily) right in my world.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
work and birthing class
I just woke myself up and can't get back to sleep sooooooooo blogging it is.
I have been thinking about what to do about work and I am having a hard time coming to a decision. My doctor ok'ed me to go back to work on Monday (7/13), but my boss basically refused to schedule me hours the last time I talked to her. I think that despite all of my warnings to her, she was not prepared for me to leave work more than a week early... so when I went out on bed rest I think she got overwhelmed. Now she doesn't really trust me to be able to come back to work, even though my doctor is saying I can.
On the one hand... I don't blame her, because the reality is that if I came back I could have to leave again pretty much any day. I understand that is a difficult position to put her in. Still, it doesn't really seem fair, because she would literally be in the exact same position had this whole bed rest thing never happened. If I had worked the past week with no problems there would STILL be a chance (probably about the same likelihood) that I go into labor sometime between the middle of July and the 10th of August (which is when my maternity leave is scheduled to start). So that is pretty frustrating.
Ideally, I would love to just NOT go back to work and go into labor next week or the week after. But I'm afraid that won't happen and that I'll be out of work (and unpaid) for two or three or four weeks. So I might try to get my coworkers to toss me a couple of shifts a week just so I am getting some sort of pay.
But then there are other things to consider... like how Matt feels about me being at work. I think he would rather me stay home until I'm past 37 weeks. And then he would rather me not work 8 hour shifts. But I don't know... if I'm scrounging for hours I can't really afford to be picky.
And also, even though, like I said, I completely understand the tough position my boss is in right now, part of me wonders if there is some law protecting my right to work. Because if my doctor says it's okay, then they can't just not schedule me because I'm 8+ months pregnant. At least... it feels like they shouldn't be able to do that. But again... who knows, and how much is it worth to me to press the issue?
Anyway. To be honest, work is really the last thing I want to be worrying about right now, but I can't get it off my mind... and I feel like this bed rest threw a big wrench in my plans and all of the options I had before aren't open to me anymore. So that is frustrating. I am praying about what to do and I have been talking to Matt about it, but I kind of feel like the whole thing is out of my hands and I may just have to roll with the punches.
On a completely different note:
Tonight Matt and I went to birthing class (the only dr-approved exception to my bed rest... so you can imagine how thrilled I was to leave the house). We learned about delivery. I wouldn't call it fun exactly, but it was good to get all the information, even though most of it I have read or heard other places. Lately I have been watching episodes of A Baby Story (which, for those of you who don't know, is basically a reality show that follows different moms through the birth process... something I would usually NEVER watch or be interested in, but the past month or so my interest has been piqued and I have probably watched about 10 or so deliveries, all thanks to cable :) ). Matt makes fun of me because every time (EVERY time) the babies are delivered and are handed to their moms for the first time, I cry.
Well, tonight in class we watched a couple moms give birth, and right as the babies came out Matt leaned over and started teasing me about crying in public (because of course I was). So I looked around the room and literally EVERY SINGLE WOMAN was wiping their eyes. Even Matt had a sappy little grin on his face. There is something pretty cool about watching a baby come into the world... especially when you are anticipating that moment in your own family. It's beautiful.
And then they delivered the placenta. And I almost threw up.
I have been thinking about what to do about work and I am having a hard time coming to a decision. My doctor ok'ed me to go back to work on Monday (7/13), but my boss basically refused to schedule me hours the last time I talked to her. I think that despite all of my warnings to her, she was not prepared for me to leave work more than a week early... so when I went out on bed rest I think she got overwhelmed. Now she doesn't really trust me to be able to come back to work, even though my doctor is saying I can.
On the one hand... I don't blame her, because the reality is that if I came back I could have to leave again pretty much any day. I understand that is a difficult position to put her in. Still, it doesn't really seem fair, because she would literally be in the exact same position had this whole bed rest thing never happened. If I had worked the past week with no problems there would STILL be a chance (probably about the same likelihood) that I go into labor sometime between the middle of July and the 10th of August (which is when my maternity leave is scheduled to start). So that is pretty frustrating.
Ideally, I would love to just NOT go back to work and go into labor next week or the week after. But I'm afraid that won't happen and that I'll be out of work (and unpaid) for two or three or four weeks. So I might try to get my coworkers to toss me a couple of shifts a week just so I am getting some sort of pay.
But then there are other things to consider... like how Matt feels about me being at work. I think he would rather me stay home until I'm past 37 weeks. And then he would rather me not work 8 hour shifts. But I don't know... if I'm scrounging for hours I can't really afford to be picky.
And also, even though, like I said, I completely understand the tough position my boss is in right now, part of me wonders if there is some law protecting my right to work. Because if my doctor says it's okay, then they can't just not schedule me because I'm 8+ months pregnant. At least... it feels like they shouldn't be able to do that. But again... who knows, and how much is it worth to me to press the issue?
Anyway. To be honest, work is really the last thing I want to be worrying about right now, but I can't get it off my mind... and I feel like this bed rest threw a big wrench in my plans and all of the options I had before aren't open to me anymore. So that is frustrating. I am praying about what to do and I have been talking to Matt about it, but I kind of feel like the whole thing is out of my hands and I may just have to roll with the punches.
On a completely different note:
Tonight Matt and I went to birthing class (the only dr-approved exception to my bed rest... so you can imagine how thrilled I was to leave the house). We learned about delivery. I wouldn't call it fun exactly, but it was good to get all the information, even though most of it I have read or heard other places. Lately I have been watching episodes of A Baby Story (which, for those of you who don't know, is basically a reality show that follows different moms through the birth process... something I would usually NEVER watch or be interested in, but the past month or so my interest has been piqued and I have probably watched about 10 or so deliveries, all thanks to cable :) ). Matt makes fun of me because every time (EVERY time) the babies are delivered and are handed to their moms for the first time, I cry.
Well, tonight in class we watched a couple moms give birth, and right as the babies came out Matt leaned over and started teasing me about crying in public (because of course I was). So I looked around the room and literally EVERY SINGLE WOMAN was wiping their eyes. Even Matt had a sappy little grin on his face. There is something pretty cool about watching a baby come into the world... especially when you are anticipating that moment in your own family. It's beautiful.
And then they delivered the placenta. And I almost threw up.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
a question to ponder
Does it make me old that lately when I watch sitcoms the parents are always my favorite characters?
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
some good news
So I just got off the phone with my benefits representative and it turns out I'll get to collect some pay while I am stuck at home after all. I get short term disability any time I miss more than three days of work for a medical disability (like bed rest). I was afraid I would have to start my maternity leave early, but it sounds like I will still get my full 6-8 weeks of maternity leave plus ten days of disability. So, I am pretty pleased about that. Also I have 40 hours of vacation saved up... which isn't a ton, but it's enough to fill in the blanks if I have to miss any work in between the two.
So, that is my good news for the day.
So, that is my good news for the day.
Friday, July 03, 2009
Some plus sides to preterm contractions:
I have decided to think positively about our little escapade yesterday (you can read Matt's version of the story here), and I have discovered there are some definite pluses to everything we went through:
1) We basically got a trial run of what we are going to experience when I actually do go into labor: we got to go the hospital, visit the maternity ward, meet the doctors and nurses, etc.
2) I am on bed rest (which I am really not thrilled about, but, again, we're thinking positive here) which will give me a chance to rest for the last couple weeks before the baby comes. As much as I don't want to be sitting around useless all day, I also really don't want to be working when my feet are killing me, I'm grumpy, and nothing is within reach. And I am also going to be getting a glorious amount of sleep every day. So perhaps that is another hidden blessing.
3) I now know what contractions feel like, so when I go into labor I am definitely going to know what's going on. I really had no idea I was even having them until they told me.
4) I got to practice my breathing techniques.
5) It put us on alert. We knew a baby was coming, but honestly, I wasn't expecting her for at least another three weeks. We were soooooooo unprepared yesterday that I am just thankful for the opportunity to come home, pack our bags, try to get together some essentials, pick a name, etc. We're not going to get caught off guard again.
6) I am newly reminded that God is in control, for which I am very thankful. I don't really want to give birth today or tomorrow or even next week, but if I do, I know that it is all in God's plan and that he will protect all three members of our little family. So as nervous as I was yesterday, today a general peace has settled in. Actually, I can be thankful I made it this far already... we are told that babies born around this point actually do pretty well, so even if she does come earlier than we'd like, she will more than likely be fine. My sister was born earlier than this and she is healthy, so that's a comfort to me.
Anyway, that's all for now. Trying to stay positive!
1) We basically got a trial run of what we are going to experience when I actually do go into labor: we got to go the hospital, visit the maternity ward, meet the doctors and nurses, etc.
2) I am on bed rest (which I am really not thrilled about, but, again, we're thinking positive here) which will give me a chance to rest for the last couple weeks before the baby comes. As much as I don't want to be sitting around useless all day, I also really don't want to be working when my feet are killing me, I'm grumpy, and nothing is within reach. And I am also going to be getting a glorious amount of sleep every day. So perhaps that is another hidden blessing.
3) I now know what contractions feel like, so when I go into labor I am definitely going to know what's going on. I really had no idea I was even having them until they told me.
4) I got to practice my breathing techniques.
5) It put us on alert. We knew a baby was coming, but honestly, I wasn't expecting her for at least another three weeks. We were soooooooo unprepared yesterday that I am just thankful for the opportunity to come home, pack our bags, try to get together some essentials, pick a name, etc. We're not going to get caught off guard again.
6) I am newly reminded that God is in control, for which I am very thankful. I don't really want to give birth today or tomorrow or even next week, but if I do, I know that it is all in God's plan and that he will protect all three members of our little family. So as nervous as I was yesterday, today a general peace has settled in. Actually, I can be thankful I made it this far already... we are told that babies born around this point actually do pretty well, so even if she does come earlier than we'd like, she will more than likely be fine. My sister was born earlier than this and she is healthy, so that's a comfort to me.
Anyway, that's all for now. Trying to stay positive!
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Rude.
One of my pet peeves working in a customer service job is women who store necessary items in their bra. Money, credit cards, cell phones, etc DO NOT BELONG IN THERE! I don't want to have to touch the sweaty money some lady just pulled out of her cleave.
Seriously, I know all money is dirty and there's probably nothing different on boob money than the money I keep in my purse/wallet (WHERE MONEY SHOULD GO), but I feel like it is really rude and trashy to expect a random stranger to accept money that you store in the same place you store your genitals. I'm just saying.
Seriously, I know all money is dirty and there's probably nothing different on boob money than the money I keep in my purse/wallet (WHERE MONEY SHOULD GO), but I feel like it is really rude and trashy to expect a random stranger to accept money that you store in the same place you store your genitals. I'm just saying.
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