new low

So, in case you haven't noticed, this year sucks for my family. It has been (has been as in, prior to today, it still was) the worst year of my life so far. And seriously, that is saying a lot, because a lot of crap has happened to me over the course of my short life.
But it gets worse.
Way worse.

And after today, I am convinced that the only thing that could be worse is if someone died. That is the only struggle we really have left. Besides my parents divorcing or my sister getting pregnant. And even that last would have the payoff of a cute baby at the end.

So yeah. Life sucks. I feel like, over the last six months, I have earned the right to bitch a little. I am sure that on the outside things seem so happy and we seem so blessed, and it is not that we aren't or that we haven't been. I feel like nothing that has happpened has been self-inflicted or provoked in any way. It just feels like punishment or attack. And it makes everything seem like an illusion.
The vision that you have of the perfect life, with the perfect family and all the perfect things you own, and good health, and everything... that is all fake. That can all crumble at any moment and there is nothing you can do to stop it. I almost feel like it is worse to start with these things. Because then you have the pain of them being snatched away from you. Which, I must say, is a pretty awful kind of pain.

Anyway. I don't mean to be cryptic but I'm not sure if I am allowed to share the news yet. You will all hear soon enough I'm sure. And then we will be back in the fishbowl dealing with all our crap right out in the public for everyone to see.
Lovely.

I am weary.

Kristin, I miss you.

I am off to cry myself to sleep (yes, literally, and I'm not just being emo).

Come visit me at work tomorrow. 8-5. Seriously, if you're in the area, I love it when my friends stop by. :)