MAD

I am so freaking mad I don't know how to put it into words.
First of all for anyone who doesn't know I am taking like a month off of working at the KPC because my schoolwork has gotten to the point of ridiculous overload. I am busy virtually all the time, and when I am not working on homework I am eating, sleeping, or working at a church. I don't mean to complain but perhaps I have not been vocal enough about my workload, because the KPC has made some pretty drastic demands on my time lately. In December I pretty much gave an ultimatum about finding another girl to help me out there. It didn't work, so last Thursday I gave two weeks notice that I am taking a month off to focus on my school. That will hopefully help me to decide whether or not I even have time to be serving there (or Ethnos, for that matter).
Monday nights we generally have small group, but it has been a really tough commitment to keep for the past few weeks with my school schedule. On top of that, a lot of the girls have been too busy to come on Mondays anyways. Every monday night I have to figure out a way to get all the way out to beaverton for a few hours. usually I stay there overnight because I have sacred space in the mornings. What has made it even MORE difficult is that now, our family only has one car for four very very busy schedules. Monday nights are packed and it is not just a hassle for me, but for everyone in my family. tomorrow (which is generally my day off) I have a doctor's appointment out in Beaverton, and a few other errands, and I don't really have the time I need to work on my homework between now and then. It makes everything really high-stress.
Anyway, a few minutes ago I had a really frustrating conversation with Nate about the KPC. He randomly switched the meeting place without really letting me know, and even though I've been coming every week with only 2 girls showing, this week I flat out don't have the time for it. So I said if two or more girls come I will be there. I called every girl and heard back from all except two that they are not coming. I explained all of my scheduling errors with Nate. Not only does he not understand this (seemingly) but he was just like, don't cancel it. You can't.
I am freaking pissed because no matter how hard I work there are always more demands on my time and every interaction we have about the KPC is an increasingly frustrating one. I have been very flexible about working there but I have given adequate warning and I just feel unappreciated. And... i don't really know the word. I don't really have an equal share in the authority there but I have been trying very hard to be submissive to Nate and Brad's authority. And from time to time I feel like their authority and my submission is abused. and even when I say something about it, it is rarely acknowledged.
I am so annoyed. I tried after this interaction to go back to my work but I am too pissed now and I am wasting even MORE time writing this stupid blog when I should be working.
Uh oh, here come my angry tears.

P.S. I do not have a book for the study we are supposed to be doing tonight, no one gave it to me.
I do not have any money for transportation on the MAX because I haven't had a paycheck from GRACEworks in 3 months and I have not had a paycheck from the KPC for the entire time I've worked there.
I have a 6-7 page paper and a 20-hr drawing due on Wednesday and I haven't had a chance to do my paper yet and I am half done with my drawing. Not for lack of effort, but for lack of time and other homework.

This is the most frustrated and stressed I've been in a long time....!





p.s. to everyone who commented on my last post--- colie is my roommate.