I am getting frustrated again by the fact that I am apparently the subject of church gossip. At first I was kind of laughing it off because it wasn't mean-spirited or anything, and most people were coming back to me with their questions so I could set them straight. But it has started to really bother me. Apparently someone made some comment about Todd and I dating and it SPUN OUT OF CONTROL. Let me set it straight: we are not dating.
What really frustrates me about this is that lately I have heard the most ridiculous assumptions about our friendship and had to honestly answer questions from people who I never chose to share anything with. But how is this getting so out of control and why should I have to answer any questions at all? I really do not understand why anyone should feel entitled to information about our relationship when I know for a fact that Todd or I did not choose to share it with them. If they have heard something I do appreciate them coming to me and asking if it is the truth rather than continuing to spread the rumor, that I will give people credit for. I DO NOT, however, appreciate them offering their opinion/advice/whatever. If I wanted it, I would have asked them for it. We have obviously chosen not to involve these people in this friendship.
So basically, I feel like I have no privacy and I really do not appreciate it. Please stop talking about this if you have been. Our friendship is really none of your business.
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7 comments:
Interesting that this is the second time this week that some one has brought up something of this nature... others talking about them, or a relationship they are in and not actually coming to the person/people. As I would agree, that talking with others about some one else is not right. God tells us not to gossip. We should go to the source (you and Todd) and inquire if we are that curious.
I am curious about a comment you made in this post though. You stated "If I wanted it, I would have asked them for it." Referring to advice people give. What about friendly advice that is given? Are we not allowed to give our friends advice in life? God tells us to look out for our brother.
I'm not saying that this gives us free reign to just say any thought/opinion that just comes to our mind. It must be thought out and thought to help the person giving the advice to... not the person giving it :-) I hope that made sense....
Anyway, I guess my question is, is all advice out the door, or just the kind that is rude and thoughtless?
Hmm. Good question, Jenn. I am definitely not saying that I do not value the advice of people in our community, because I do. I think it was just that in this specific context I did not appreciate unwelcome advice from people who were misinformed about the situation. I don't think all of it was meant in a loving manner- some of it just seemed nosy (rude and thoughtless).
There are certain people from whom I would probably seek out advice on my dating relationships (or pretty much anything). My mom and Sarah Howson immediately come to mind. I trust them, they know me, and they would be able to offer their wisdom in a loving, respectful way. There are also some people I would NOT go to for advice, because I have not built that relationship of trust with them and/or they do not have the experience necessary to guide me.
I think it is important to hold each other accountable for our actions and to encourage brothers/sisters who are stumbling. But unless there is love and trust (and respect) at the core of your relationship, it's hard to give (and take) advice.
I see the point that you are making, and when I wrote this post I was pretty exasperated... so maybe that partly played into my specific choice of words. I wish I could say the opinions that have been offered to me in the past couple of weeks have been offered in love, but I really don't believe that is the case. If it was, I think I would be reacting very differently (AND I don't think this rumor would have worked its way through the church so quickly).
aw, kiki. I'm sorry. I have no good advice here but I just wanted to say (again) how ridiculous it all is. I don't even fully understand it, but I empathise with the ridiculously irritating stupidity of it all.
Also: I wonder how many different ways I can find to talk to you? Let's count.
if you want my advice...jk
matt said the same thing on his blog too, kinda weird. or is it, as jenn asks, an indication of something bigger and badder?
hey who gives a fuck what other people think, especially those who you dont wish to emulate? the only person anybody should be taking advice from are the people they want to end up like. thats why i never offer advice.
I find it really interesting how all this gossip stuff is popping up suddenly. It makes me think that Satan decided that God was working in our community. So what else could he do but throw a wrench into it. And what better wrench to throw than gossip? It's a community killer. I'm sorry that you had to be one of the victims.
Yes, welcome to my world! It's a great place to be :)
That being said, I think that God can work in many ways. When I'm confronted by something that isn't presented as constructive, I at least make an attempt to glean something from it. I've had a hard time doing this recently, but God can still speak through such things. I think ultimately we can choose how to weigh the words other people use, the volume their voice speaks into our life, and whether or not to accept what they have to say. Everyone's opinion is just that. You don't have to accept it.
I think Jenn is on to something though, in that God will work in whatever way He chooses. If you can at the least glean something helpful or useful from even negative criticism, then it can help it smoothe over more easily.
When I was at Fox, I had some random person I didn't know get on IM and chew me out, right after I had been selected for Chapel Band. He/she obviously knew about me and had been around me somewhat. It was extremely discouraging. Yet, I considered what was said and asked those closet to me if they thought it was true. I was able to discard the hurt and cruelty and understand where I truly was, but I was also able to work on some things the person had got on my case about, even if I didn't think I needed to. There's nothing wrong with working on being above reproach.
I empathize, though. Let's both work hard to make sure we discourage gossip at Ethnos.
Glad to be oblivious! :)
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