update on jak's surgery

[Dear Becky: I wish you would allow comments on your blog, because I always want to comment to you...]

So this morning Jak went in for his surgery. His roommate and I got to the hospital around 2 and hung out until he woke up from the operation. He seems to be doing just fine except for he is on a bunch of painkillers and when I talked to him he was still pretty loopy. I am really glad everything went so well. The doctor said it will take him a few months to recover but he should be able to go back to work after some physical therapy. He will have to pass all of the physical examinations again which is a bummer, not just because of his knee but because those tests are very hard to pass even without an injury. Some of the guys from the station came to visit him while I was there, which was cool.
Such a long day though. and by the end I was so mentally and emotionally exhausted I felt like crying. I spent most of the day just reliving past experiences and silently freaking out. I was in such a bad mood by the time I finally left the hospital. I took my mom to hang out with Jenn and then I went and had dinner with Todd, which made me feel a lot better. Todd always knows how to cheer me up and get my mind off things. He is such a good friend.
Speaking of good friends, Matt is home for break! It was fun to hang out with him, but also kind of weird. Our relationship has changed a lot since he left for school. He is no longer the first person I go to with my questions/problems/successes/failures. Of course I knew this was going to happen but it doesn't change the sucky feeling. We had a long conversation about our religious beliefs (Matt is Buddhist), and I have changed quite a bit in my thinking in the past six months, and it definitely came out in the conversation. And he just kind of looked at me like, "Wow, you're a lot less open-minded than I thought you were." Umm. I guess so. I really respect Matt, but I think since I have been in the process of reconnecting with God I feel like he has lost some respect for me. I hate that. It reminds me that relationships can only go so deep when you have such fundamental differences. He doesn't really understand the things that are most important to me right now. I can try and share them with him, but it is not the same.
Anyway, I would say more about the events of today, but I'm still processing some things. Thank you all for your support/wisdom on my last post. I appreciate that. I am definitely wrestling with a lot right now but I feel like it might finally be in a healthy way. I feel like God is calling attention to what in my heart needs fixing. I am still pretty bitter but hanging on to that has kept me from a lot of good things, like finding joy in my relationship with Christ and with others. I feel like after two years I should finally have my shit together, but I'm finding I do not and rather than berating myself for it, I'm just reopening the issue.
So far it sucks, but maybe good will come of it.