some of my more serious (and intelligent?) thoughts...

Lately I haven't had a lot of time to write. I've been busy with school, moving, and all of this dumb medical stuff. So I figured I'd take the chance right now to write out some stuff while I take a break from working on my film glossary (ahhhh shoot me now!!!! I hate this project).
I don't particularly enjoy writing for writing's sake. Honestly, I would much rather sit down and have a good conversation about the things that are on my mind. But, since that is kind of an impossibility at the moment, blogging it is...

Recently one of my friends returned from a study abroad in Russia. Talking with him about his experiences there has been incredibly interesting to me. Over the past couple of months I have had Russia on the brain quite a bit. It has one of the highest incarceration rates in the world, and due to the overcrowding of prisons it is incredibly common for prisoners to become ill while serving their sentences (most of which are for bogus crimes... police officers in Russia are corrupt and the legal system does not work as it should). Unfortunately, one of the illnesses that has come up repeatedly is tuberculosis... a specific strain of it that is resistant to all known forms of antibiotics. This Supertuberculosis strain is literally ravaging Russian prisons, and as yet there is no known cure.
I can't get this situation out of my mind. Antibiotic resistance is a scary thing... mostly because our response is to manufacture more drugs and perpetuate the adaptation of viruses/bacteria. This isn't the proper way to react to the circumstances, but we don't really have any other options. The more we introduce antibiotics into our society the more dangerous and deadly these diseases become.
Anyway... Woody describes Russia as a place you go for the experience, not for a vacation. I don't think he really enjoyed his trip there, but he obviously learned a lot. It shook up his world view a bit, to be sure. It's shaking up mine just to hear about it. I have been praying about Russia as a potential future destination, perhaps after school...?
Since I've been in art school, I've been learning that I am probably not as good at art as I was hoping. Actually, I have been increasingly interested in science, specifically biology, human anatomy, physiology and biomechanics, and medical research. Lately I've been doing some light research on possible degrees in these fields. I am considering double majoring, possibly in biology or a related field? In terms of practical application, I think it would be a good idea to get some kind of medical training, maybe as a nurse or physician's assistant. I want whatever I am doing in school to be something I can apply to my future plans. I would love to have the knowledge and equipment to practice medicine in foreign countries, so that I can actually help the people I am going to serve in a more tangible way. Film is an excellent medium and I have not lost interest in it or faith in its potential power, but I don't want to be another American who shows up, takes pictures, and leaves without providing any kind of physical/emotional relief from suffering.
The problem is, I still don't enjoy school. Any kind of schooling... I never really have. So already I'm looking into (potentially) another 4 years of school, which does NOT sound exciting to me, save the final accomplishment of a nursing/biology degree.
Anyway, that's just something I'm turning over in my mind.

Finally, I've been re-reading some of my favorite books lately. I read Siddhartha earlier this week, and now I'm getting into Crime and Punishment again (Dostoeyevsky is an astounding writer). I have a really strong appreciation for classic literature... anything that demands my respect or makes me think. Crime and Punishment has always been one of my favorite books. My copy is totally battered and notated.... anyway, I picked it up earlier this week and got into it again, and it's been weird re-reading some of what I wrote and seeing how I reacted to it at different stages of my life. I treat my favorite books like journals... I'll write or draw in the margins to express what I'm thinking... which is why it's really fun to re-read them later. When I first read Crime I was incredibly depressed, and I remember having some really dark thoughts. Some of the things I thought or saw in my mind scared even me. Today I came across the following passage:
"In a morbid condition of the brain, dreams often have a singular actuality, vividness and extraordinary semblance of reality. At times monstrous images are created, but the setting and the whole picture are so truthlike and filled with details so delicate, so unexpected, but so artistically consistent, that the dreamer... could never have invented them in the waking state. Such sick dreams always remain long in the memory and make a powerful impression on the overwrought and deranged nervous system."
I am reminded of Van Gogh, Woolf, Tolstoy, Michaelangelo, Beethoven etc. So many great artists wrought beauty from their weakness and, in some cases, insanity. I think this purely emotional response, although sometimes unsettling, is what makes the difference between good and great art. There is an intesnity all of these artists exuded that is virtually unmatched by anyone in history.

I don't feel like stopping, even though I have already said way more than I intended to (no one is going to read this entire blog... but oh well, I am just going to pretend).
I'm going to sleep now... forget the film glossary. Ugh.