the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide

I have started writing this a million times and I can't think of what to say. In the background right now I can hear my drunk brother slurring excuses into my mom's cell phone.
There is nothing you can do to change other peoples' behavior if they don't want to change themselves. I keep telling myself that the way he acts cannot determine my own feelings. Or the rest of my family. We do not center our lives around him if he doesn't want our help. It is so hard. But I can't fall apart just because he does.
What I fear most is that this is just part of another cycle. That even when he has an up, it will be followed by another down. Seven years of experience with him has taught me that he hurts and disappoints people on a regular basis. I am one of the people he hurts and disappoints the most.
The hardest part is that he isn't the only one. I have begun to recognize the multitude of unhealthy relationships I have been trying to maintain. It all comes down to this: I can't do it. I can't continue to trust all of these people. I can't let their emotions or behavior dictate mine.
I hate that I have to carefully divide my energy between people who don't seem to even acknowledge it. But I'm done playing that game with people. Out of all of these relationships, the only one that matters is my brother. If I had to pick one person to stick it out with, I'd pick him.

(also: http://biodh-uchtach.blogspot.com
I am really excited about this blog.)