At the moment I don't really feel like being mature about this, so I'm just gonna say it like it is and people can draw whatever conclusion they deem appropriate.
My brother is a big effing jerk and I don't like living with him at all. This entire summer has been one shit storm after another, and the majority of it has been entirely his fault because of his immaturity and inability to put ANYTHING AT ALL before his own personal happiness. I have watched my entire family suffer through his mood swings, his substance abuse, his irresponsible behavior, etc this summer to try and support him. Not only does he not accept our support he actually treats us poorly in response to all of our love and sacrifice.
Tonight at the dinner table, he yelled at me, cussed me out, and told me to shut up because he didn't like the topic of conversation we had brought up. Basically my mom asked him to let us know when he was going to be coming home on nights he goes out partying. This seems like a fair request on our part because of the way this summer has gone and the level of anxiety that accompanies any of his extended trips out of the house. If he isn't where he says he is going to be when he says he will be there, we all panic a little. It is inescapable.
His response to my mom (which was said in a really disrespectful tone) was, "You can always call me." I pointed out that nobody wants to call him at 2 or 3 in the morning, and it really would just be easier if he told us where he was going/when he'd be back before he left.
Then, he yelled at me to shut up, said, "What the fuck do you think you are, my mom? You're not my mom!" My parents both immediately told him to simmer down but he kept just yelling at me and cussing me out so finally I said, "I think you are a jerk," and got up and walked away.
As I was walking away, my mom pointed out that he really has been a jerk lately (let me remind everyone here of the facts, they are as follows:
1. in the past week, my brother has ditched me (with absolutely no warning) more than three times. when confronted he makes no response or apology.
2. my brother is an alocoholic/stoner, and as such literally incapable of carrying on an interesting conversation. i avoid speaking to him whenever possible because he has a tendency to fly off the handle for no reason and insult/demean the people he is talking to.
3. his behavior is disrespectful to everyone else in the house and can even be dangerous. for example, when i came home from church tonight he had left a pizza in the oven and gone out. he had left the house with the oven on and something inside of it. how stupid do you have to be to do something like that?
4. let us not forget that after having attempted suicide earlier this summer, he now goes out at all times of day and night without informing anyone of his whereabouts. he does not answer his cell phone or respond to messages until he feels like it. this worries everyone in our family. again, when confronted he makes no apology.
5. lastly, his response to this conversation is not out of character because it is pretty much how he responds to anything he doesn't want to hear. cuss the person out and tell them to shut up. they won't fight him back because he's sick and has low self esteem).
He made no response after that, and we finished our meal without talking to him. When he excused himself from the table my mom apologized to me.
I am so tired of him, though. I just don't want him around anymore. After all the things I have done for him, for my brother to treat me the way he does is just disrespectful and wrong.
I don't believe moving out will be good for him. He is incapable of caring for himself in even the most basic way. I worry that he will hurt someone else with his irresponsible behavior.
But I am glad he is moving out so I don't have to deal with his bullshit anymore. And neither does the rest of my family. If he doesn't want my support, fine. I am more than happy not to offer it to him.
It is sad; this is my brother and I'm supposed to love him no matter what. But I have honestly never known someone to disappoint me and dismiss me more than he has, and I'm tired of it. I'm so freaking tired of him.
I knwo this is probably not the response God wants me to have but right now I just don't care.
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8 comments:
I don't really know how to respond to this, and I hope this doesn't sound like a shallow or silly canned Christian response, but I'm praying for you and your family.
ugh.
I think that spending some time in James will be good for us as a community and as individuals. Don't ask me how to apply it, though, such as in a situation like this. I don't have a clue. I will be praying for your family as well.
Do your parents want your brother to move out or feel it's okay, or is this mostly your brother's decision?
Well it sounds like he needs some perspective, maybe being around family has caused him to take things for granted and not see the bigger picture. Maybe not having the people around to support him / eat dinner with him will remind him in their absence that he should be more greatful.
That's what I think, I used to be a total jerk to my mom when I was a stoner and I said the most horrible things, when I moved out God really used that time to get my attention, I was so focused on other people's faults that I missed my own.
It's his decision and I think everyone has mixed feelings about it. Everybody agrees that him living here is not good for any of us. And his psychologist has encouraged him to move out (although, he meets with the guy once a week, and who knows what he tells him or how much he knows).
I think moving out is a good step; I think living on his own with no support system or accountability is not going to work for him. Some people can handle living alone; my brother can't.
I just wonder if he's getting any support outside of our family. It seems like the friends he has now are mostly other addicts/stoners/dropouts, and I don't see that being a good influence or a healthy start for living on your own. He had some good friends when he went to Fox, but he has mostly abandoned them now.
i love you!
That's a tough situation. Some people just don't want to be helped, I guess. Then again, I really have no idea. I have no insight into these types of situations.
I am sorry Ciara. Not sure what else to say. We love you.
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